(no subject)

[cahn]

All right, I've wanted to do this for a while:

The problem with operas is that they're too long. By which I mean, if anyone in them was sensible they'd all be at most half the length.

So: comment with an opera name (*) and I'll respond with a short snippet of a canon-divergence AU where the opera is Much Shorter. Warning, of course, that at least some of the characters will be wildly out of character. That is to say, probably much more sensible. :)

(*) If it's an opera I know, you'll get the ficlet much sooner. If it's one I haven't watched yet, I'll put it on my list to watch and you'll get the ficlet once I've watched it. This is a good opportunity for you to get me to watch your favorite opera, since after I finish Norma with Caballé I'm gonna go back to RL opera friend and ask for more DVDs! (Though given my previous track record, this might also take a while.)

(cross-posted to tumblr)

Comments

[tree_and_leaf]

Tosca?

[cahn]

YES PLEASE LET'S FIX TOSCA
------------------
Tosca burst into the chapel. "With whom were you talking, Mario?"

"With you," Cavaradossi said soothingly.

"You were whispering with someone else!" she accused him.

Cavaradossi looked around, even though he knew there was no one else there, and dropped his voice to a whisper. "I know I can trust you, Tosca, my love. There is indeed someone else here."

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "But why do you say 'trust'?"

"It is Angelotti. The Consul of the lamented Roman Republic. He has just escaped from Castel Sant'Angelo."

Angelotti emerged from out of the shadows. "My lady."

Tosca's eyes widened and she sank down to her knees in a curtsey. "Sir!"

Angelotti said, his voice rough with exhaustion, "My sister, the Attavanti, hid some women's clothes under the altar. Here: a dress, a veil, a fan. As soon as it gets dark
I'll put these garments on..."

"Oh," Tosca and Cavaradossi said together. "That's why she was here praying!" Cavaradossi said under his breath, while Tosca said, "That's why she was here for you to paint!"

"But you can't say anything of this to anyone," Cavaradossi said to Tosca, "not even your confessor."

"I'm devout, Mario, not stupid," Tosca retorted. "Of course I shall not tell my confessor about this, not now -- perhaps much later when there is no more danger, and accept a heavier penance. But now..." She saw the basket of food. "Sir, you had better take this basket. And look! You have forgotten the fan. Better not to forget that; it has the crest of the Marchesa Attavanti..." She frowned. "You had better both go now and find a hiding place."

"We will go. Thank you, Tosca," Cavaradossi said with feeling, taking her in his arms and kissing her hair, her cheek, her lips, her neck.

She kindled against him, but then pushed him away gently. "I will come back a little later to the chapel to see if Baron Scarpia starts sniffing around," she promised. "If he does, I shall act the jealous lover and lead him a merry chase all around Rome. Don't worry! Am I not the greatest actress in Rome?" She gave Cavaradossi a teasing, coquettish smile, and Cavaradossi gave her another kiss.

[zdenka]

Excellent! Things go so much better when people actually communicate and trust each other!

[cahn]

I KNOW RIGHT?? why do people in operas have so much trouble communicating?? (not that I am bitter)

[iberiandoctor]

"Oh," Tosca and Cavaradossi said together. "That's why she was here praying!" Cavaradossi said under his breath, while Tosca said, "That's why she was here for you to paint!"

AHAHA. You think, guys? (SO much better!)

[cahn]

Man, both Tosca and Cavaradossi are such great characters, and they just need to... talk... to each other...

[tree_and_leaf]

Excellent! Thank you.

[cahn]

:D