cahn | (no subject)

All right, I've wanted to do this for a while:

The problem with operas is that they're too long. By which I mean, if anyone in them was sensible they'd all be at most half the length.

So: comment with an opera name (*) and I'll respond with a short snippet of a canon-divergence AU where the opera is Much Shorter. Warning, of course, that at least some of the characters will be wildly out of character. That is to say, probably much more sensible. :)

(*) If it's an opera I know, you'll get the ficlet much sooner. If it's one I haven't watched yet, I'll put it on my list to watch and you'll get the ficlet once I've watched it. This is a good opportunity for you to get me to watch your favorite opera, since after I finish Norma with Caballé I'm gonna go back to RL opera friend and ask for more DVDs! (Though given my previous track record, this might also take a while.)

(cross-posted to tumblr)

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From:

rosefox

Oooooh please do this for Carmen! I'd ask for Aïda, but I fell asleep somewhere around the fifth third act, so I don't actually remember any of the story.

Bonus round: RENT. I have a strong preference for "Angel lives" AUs (somewhere in my head is an AU in which Roger gets Angel's death scene and everyone else lives more or less happily more or less ever after) but as you please.

Edited Date: 2019-03-06 06:04 am (UTC)

From:

carmarthen

Well, if I hated you, I'd suggest Ariadne auf Naxos, but my feeling about it is that it would be best improved by not existing (to be fair, I saw the most memorably terrible but not even entertaining production I have ever seen of anything).

*racks brain*

The problem is that I'm an operetta fan and I feel like they're generally a perfectly reasonable length. Hmm. Barber of Seville, I guess?

From:

iberiandoctor

lolz, you know I'd say Don Carlo, save in that I think you already wrote the canon-divergent everyone-lives fix-it and it was SO GOOD ♥

How about: Les Pêcheurs de Perles? There's gotta be a good canon-divergence AU in there, possibly centred around this duet: https://youtu.be/p2MwnHpLV48

From:

antisoppist

Girl of the Golden West?

I saw it a couple of years ago and had thoughts, once I'd got over the fact that Puccini wrote a Western, which is really no weirder than some of the other places he set operas, although it feels like it.

From:

tree_and_leaf

Tosca?

From:

el_staplador

La Forza del Destino?

From:

watersword

Billy Budd! DESPERATELY needs an edit for dumbassery.

From:

isis

Hee, I was going to ask for Carmen also, so this is me seconding this request!

From:

cahn

That works out great because Aida is the last major Verdi I haven't seen yet! OK -- here's one for you -- where Carmen is slightly more sensible, and Micaela is rather more, hm, maybe sensible isn't the word? :D

(And I will think on Rent! I've listened to it a bunch but have never actually watched it through -- this is a good impetus :) )
------

Micaëla, coming back to look for José, heard the sound of singing coming from the mostly-empty square.

She hurried near. It was the gypsy girl -- la Carmencita? -- of whom her friends at the Seville factory had told her. Micaëla watched for a second, fascinated, as Carmen sang of dancing the seguidilla, the curves of her body moving sinuously as she sang. Micaëla saw José, trying very hard to pretend as if he were not paying any attention, but occasionally his eyes would dart over to Carmen.

Micaëla shivered all over and walked boldly into the square. José jumped up and came to her, looking slightly guilty. "Micaëla --"

She said softly to him, "Let me speak to Carmen. Privately. Just for a moment, José."

He searched her eyes, then nodded. "But just for a moment. When Lieutenant Zuniga comes back he must not find me away from her."

José walked away a little space, just out of earshot if she spoke quietly. Micaëla said to Carmen, "Stay away from José. He is a good man, but weak, and you could break him." She loved him, but she had known José since childhood, and saw clearly through that love.

Carmen laughed, showing pearly teeth between her red lips. "I go where I please, little dove, and I fear no man, no matter what the danger. But perhaps... for a price. What will you give me for him?"

Micaëla frowned. She had very little money. And then she thought, and straightened her back and threw back her shoulders. "Myself."

Carmen raised her perfect black eyebrows, but for the first time a look of seriousness came on her face. "You?"

"Me. I will stay with José, I will marry him, but José will not mind if I am with another woman." He had rather enjoyed Micaëla telling him of the women back in their village, in fact. "And I know that you change lovers with the wind, and that won't bother me either. You see that this has many advantages."

Carmen broke into a smile. "Ah, and are you worth going to jail for, my pretty?"

"It will only be for a night," Micaëla said; "the Lieutenant is not very angry. And," she said, daring to smile, "I like to think I am worth it."

Carmen tilted her head, and Micaëla knew she had won. "We shall see, little bird. Tomorrow, then."

From:

cahn

Done, see below :D

From:

zdenka

Yes, I was thinking about saying The Pearl Fishers! And that's my second favorite tenor-baritone opera duet.

From:

zdenka

Hmm, how about Il Trovatore?

From:

rosefox

HI YES OKAY I SHIP IT :D

If you want to watch RENT, watch this filmed Broadway production, not the terrible movie version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhG3JTchKDA

From:

cahn

Ahaha, I love Barber of Seville but it... could... definitely be shorter. Um, it's also been a long time since I've seen it, so apologies if I've got anything wrong! (And I guess Don Pasquale was after Barber of Seville, but never mind that.)

I've never watched any Strauss! I'm... sort of curious, now. :)
---------

"Ah, Basilio!" said Figaro. He hurried to catch up with the music-master and put a hand on his shoulder. "I want to speak with you."

Basilio sighed. "Yes, Figaro?"

"Well, it's common knowledge that Doctor Bartolo wants to marry Rosina, but we all know it's not because he actually loves her, it's because he wants her dowry."

Basilio chuckled. "Figaro, I see that you are as blunt as ever. Of course he does not object to marrying a beauty, and he pretends to love her, but he has said to me more than once that Rosina is such a spitfire, he wishes the dowry came with a more, ah, biddable lady."

"What if," said Figaro, "Rosina were loved by a powerful and rich man -- a Count, let us say -- who would let him keep the dowry in exchange for his permission to marry her?"

Basilio started to look more interested. "Ah?"

Figaro leaned in close to Basilio's ear. "Both Bartolo and this man might make it worth our while -- Bartolo for providing him with the dowry, and this man for providing him with Rosina, eh? And I hear there's an opening for music-master in the Count's household..."

Basilio grinned. "I take your meaning indeed. I shall broach the subject with the good doctor, and perhaps our music lesson today shall be focused on Don Pasquale, so Bartolo sees some of the pitfalls of marrying a younger wife. And then you and I shall take the Count's offer to him."

Figaro grinned back. "Exactly as I was also thinking, sir."

From:

cahn

...I have not seen this one yet! I totally want to, it sounds kind of amazing (a Puccini Western??) -- it is going on my list!

From:

ashkitty

That's a much more pleasant ending, yes.

From:

cahn

ahahaha, oh, I can do a short Don Carlo for you! But first, Pearl Fishers!
------------
Leila made her way up the stairs leading to the temple, and Nadir watched her. His soul struggled within him; his love and desire for Leila, his friendship for Zurga. If only he could see her again -- if only --

Zurga clasped his hand. "Nadir, let us go and leave the priestess to her temple." He paused, looking at Nadir, his face open and guileless. "Nadir, what is the matter?"

Nadir shook his head. "Zurga, my friend --" He stopped.

"Come, Nadir," Zurga said warmly, still grasping his hand; "you are dear as a brother to me, and I swear to hear whatever you have to tell me without anger."

"I broke my word," Nadir said, low. "I followed her, the woman, the goddess' avatar, as I had told you I would not do, and though I did not speak to her nor touch her, I heard her singing." Zurga released his hand and stared at him. "And -- and the singing we have just heard -- it is she!"

Zurga said, emotion clouding his voice, "I have sworn not to be angry at you. I will not. But Nadir --"

"I know," Nadir said passionately, "I know. I want more than anything else to keep my word and friendship with you. But I also know I cannot, not with her there." He took a deep breath. "The only way out, I believe, is for me to leave."

Zurga said abruptly, "I will come with you."

Nadir stared. "What?"

"I would rather be a plain fisherman with you," Zurga said, his voice almost a whisper, "than the king of this people, by myself."

"O Zurga," Nadir said, his throat choked, and fell into his embrace.

From:

zdenka

Awwww! :) This is definitely how the opera should have gone.

From:

cahn

YES PLEASE LET'S FIX TOSCA
------------------
Tosca burst into the chapel. "With whom were you talking, Mario?"

"With you," Cavaradossi said soothingly.

"You were whispering with someone else!" she accused him.

Cavaradossi looked around, even though he knew there was no one else there, and dropped his voice to a whisper. "I know I can trust you, Tosca, my love. There is indeed someone else here."

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "But why do you say 'trust'?"

"It is Angelotti. The Consul of the lamented Roman Republic. He has just escaped from Castel Sant'Angelo."

Angelotti emerged from out of the shadows. "My lady."

Tosca's eyes widened and she sank down to her knees in a curtsey. "Sir!"

Angelotti said, his voice rough with exhaustion, "My sister, the Attavanti, hid some women's clothes under the altar. Here: a dress, a veil, a fan. As soon as it gets dark
I'll put these garments on..."

"Oh," Tosca and Cavaradossi said together. "That's why she was here praying!" Cavaradossi said under his breath, while Tosca said, "That's why she was here for you to paint!"

"But you can't say anything of this to anyone," Cavaradossi said to Tosca, "not even your confessor."

"I'm devout, Mario, not stupid," Tosca retorted. "Of course I shall not tell my confessor about this, not now -- perhaps much later when there is no more danger, and accept a heavier penance. But now..." She saw the basket of food. "Sir, you had better take this basket. And look! You have forgotten the fan. Better not to forget that; it has the crest of the Marchesa Attavanti..." She frowned. "You had better both go now and find a hiding place."

"We will go. Thank you, Tosca," Cavaradossi said with feeling, taking her in his arms and kissing her hair, her cheek, her lips, her neck.

She kindled against him, but then pushed him away gently. "I will come back a little later to the chapel to see if Baron Scarpia starts sniffing around," she promised. "If he does, I shall act the jealous lover and lead him a merry chase all around Rome. Don't worry! Am I not the greatest actress in Rome?" She gave Cavaradossi a teasing, coquettish smile, and Cavaradossi gave her another kiss.

From:

cahn

From:

cahn

ahahaha I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT

Oh, thank you for the link!

From:

cahn

Man, I actually kinda like all these characters, it's just that they're SO BAD for each other! At least in the configurations the opera puts them in...

From:

zdenka

Excellent! Things go so much better when people actually communicate and trust each other!

From:

cahn

YES YES
---------------

Don Alvaro entered from the balcony and threw himself into Leonora's arms. "Ah! Forever, now, my angel, heaven has joined us! Let us go now and be married!"

Leonora, for a second, thought of staying; but she knew she must decide now or risk her father finding them together. She glanced briefly at her maid Curra before saying resolutely, "Yes, let us go now! Here are my bags." Curra gave her an encouraging smile.

"Madam," Alvaro said to Curra with the courtesy he showed to everyone, noble or commoner, "will you come with us? You may of course prefer to stay, and we would not hinder that, but I know Leonora would like a friend..."

Curra grinned. "I was hoping you'd ask! I don't fancy staying around here and getting sacked when the old man finds out you've gone."

The three of them rode away, into the darkness.

*

"Gone!" the Marquis of Calatrava groaned. He held in his hand a note from Leonora. "And married, she says! -- and bedded too, I warrant, by this time."

Carlo di Vargas slouched in his seat. He did not see what his father expected him to do about it. Which was, of course, the Marquis' cue to say, "My son, you must avenge ourselves on this half-breed who has sullied our name, who has forced himself on your innocent sister, who has tainted our blood with his --"

Carlo rolled his eyes. "Oh Dad, if they're married, and it sounded from the letter like she was pretty excited about it, then he hasn't exactly sullied her or forced her. And come on, if he's half Peruvian, that isn't the end of the world."

The Marquis grumbled, "I knew I shouldn't have sent you to that progressive school," and stomped off, leaving Carlo to his own thoughts.

He'd never met Don Alvaro, but Leonora had told him enough about him that he wanted to: his nobility, his bravery, his fighting prowess... maybe they would meet someday, and maybe they could even be best friends!

Leonora had left him her address, which of course he hadn't told his father. Looking around to make sure the Marquis was nowhere nearby, he scrounged for a pen and paper and started writing her a letter.