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cahnAnyone who is interested in bullying, child development, writing-SF-aliens-children-parallels, and/or raising an Autism Spectrum Disorder child should definitely go check out ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
msagara's series of posts. The most relevant post for bullying is this one, but the whole series is really amazing, and has given me a lot of food for thought involving child development and child-rearing even though I do not, as far as I know, have an ASD kid. Add in the mix how her experience as a SF writer played into it, and her (very good) experiences with and thoughts concerning her son's schools and teachers -- and it's really something I recommend very much.
Random personal meanderings, only tangentially relevant:
Starting in the fall of last year, and ending around Easter, I worked in my church with the 18-to-3.5-year-old kids (including my own E). There are two of us caregivers for what range from two to (only once, but memorably) ten kids (I think our operation would be illegal if we were paid for it), for a two-hour block. usually about four or five kids. One of my favorite kids is R. R was 2.5 when I went in; he's a bit past 3 now; he's about a year older than E.
Over this period of time, it's become clear that he is developmentally slow (yes, he's in therapy; our state/city has very good therapy for this kind of thing, so his parents are hopeful). When E went in at 18 months, he was probably a bit more advanced than she was; by the time she turned 2 and he turned 3, she was clearly miles ahead of him. It's been heartbreaking for me to watch him getting (from my perspective) further and further behind. I subbed in nursery this past Sunday, will be subbing there for a month, my first time there in a couple of months, and the difference between R. and the others was even more starkly apparent.
He's started hitting the other kids. Usually only when provoked (e.g., the other kid tries to take a toy from him), but sometimes when a hurt is perceived (a kid brushes against him while trying to get somewhere else, a kid has a toy he wants).
Our nanny says this is developmentally normal for (some) boys in the 1-2 year range, which is where he is intellectually/emotionally -- this is borne out by my experiences in nursery and at E's daycare, and at least he isn't biting :)
I think it's hard for him to get the attention he wants (he's the middle of three, and his mom is pregnant again). I also think the mom, at least, is a bit of a disciplinarian (this is rare in my experience for people born into my church, but they are converts), which I wonder if R. is also reacting to. I'm not trying to criticize her -- God knows I'd be lucky to do half as well as she does with three-and-morning-sickness -- but after reading msagara's post, I do hope I can at least make nursery a safe space for him (in addition, of course, to what they're doing at home -- and they are really trying, are attending workshops on aggression and so on), since I have the freedom to do that in a way the parents don't (in the sense that I only have that many kids for two hours a week, AND none of the kids in nursery are babies, AND I'm not pregnant, AND there are always at least two of us) and I'm thinking a bit about perhaps giving him the freedom to exercise aggression in a way that doesn't hurt the other kids.
msagara's series of posts. The most relevant post for bullying is this one, but the whole series is really amazing, and has given me a lot of food for thought involving child development and child-rearing even though I do not, as far as I know, have an ASD kid. Add in the mix how her experience as a SF writer played into it, and her (very good) experiences with and thoughts concerning her son's schools and teachers -- and it's really something I recommend very much.Random personal meanderings, only tangentially relevant:
Starting in the fall of last year, and ending around Easter, I worked in my church with the 18-to-3.5-year-old kids (including my own E). There are two of us caregivers for what range from two to (only once, but memorably) ten kids (I think our operation would be illegal if we were paid for it), for a two-hour block. usually about four or five kids. One of my favorite kids is R. R was 2.5 when I went in; he's a bit past 3 now; he's about a year older than E.
Over this period of time, it's become clear that he is developmentally slow (yes, he's in therapy; our state/city has very good therapy for this kind of thing, so his parents are hopeful). When E went in at 18 months, he was probably a bit more advanced than she was; by the time she turned 2 and he turned 3, she was clearly miles ahead of him. It's been heartbreaking for me to watch him getting (from my perspective) further and further behind. I subbed in nursery this past Sunday, will be subbing there for a month, my first time there in a couple of months, and the difference between R. and the others was even more starkly apparent.
He's started hitting the other kids. Usually only when provoked (e.g., the other kid tries to take a toy from him), but sometimes when a hurt is perceived (a kid brushes against him while trying to get somewhere else, a kid has a toy he wants).
Our nanny says this is developmentally normal for (some) boys in the 1-2 year range, which is where he is intellectually/emotionally -- this is borne out by my experiences in nursery and at E's daycare, and at least he isn't biting :)
I think it's hard for him to get the attention he wants (he's the middle of three, and his mom is pregnant again). I also think the mom, at least, is a bit of a disciplinarian (this is rare in my experience for people born into my church, but they are converts), which I wonder if R. is also reacting to. I'm not trying to criticize her -- God knows I'd be lucky to do half as well as she does with three-and-morning-sickness -- but after reading msagara's post, I do hope I can at least make nursery a safe space for him (in addition, of course, to what they're doing at home -- and they are really trying, are attending workshops on aggression and so on), since I have the freedom to do that in a way the parents don't (in the sense that I only have that many kids for two hours a week, AND none of the kids in nursery are babies, AND I'm not pregnant, AND there are always at least two of us) and I'm thinking a bit about perhaps giving him the freedom to exercise aggression in a way that doesn't hurt the other kids.
no subject
Date: 2012-06-02 11:23 pm (UTC)Reason bites me occasionally in play because she thinks it's funny. At nearly 19 months she is also well old enough to understand when I tell her it's not funny--and she doesn't bite anyone else, only me, so I think it's experimentation with effect (what will mama do?) rather than aggression. (When she actually hurt me by accident the other day by whacking her head into my nose, she was contrite after I explained why mama was holding a bag of frozen peas to her face, and came and gave me a hug.) Regardless, it's helpful to hear about how other kids do.... Good luck working with R.!
no subject
Date: 2012-06-03 03:43 am (UTC)Yeah, I don't think Reason's biting is aggression :) But certainly we've had the odd biter in nursery (always male, so far, though one female slapper) -- it usually does tail off fairly quickly, and I'm hoping R. will as well. But I do have a soft spot for him because he's always seemed to get more frustrated than the other kids -- I suppose he doesn't really get that he's slower than the others, not at this age, but I suspect the mismatch between his physical and intellectual/verbal skills can be quite frustrating for him.
no subject
Date: 2012-06-07 03:26 am (UTC)