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cahnSo, I wrote a yuletide fic! Thank you awesome betas thistleingrey and orichalcum!
(I also wrote a slightly cracky DS9 treat (thank you![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
infinimato!), which was lots of fun, and which I talk a little more about here, and this one has an entry here, but right now I want to talk about the awesomeness of 2 Samuel.)
2 Samuel is really awesome, which I always forget. The Samuel/Kings books in general pretty much are made of awesomeness, what with all the conspiracies and attempted revolutions and successful revolutions and murders and so on (seriously... even if you don't have a religious bone in your body it's worth reading, if only to gawp at the violence and sex... I recommend the ESV translation), but 2 Samuel, in my opinion, is the best, because it focuses in on one dysfunctional and yet awesome family: the House of David.
There's King David himself, and we are not talking about the plucky fresh-faced boy of David-and-Goliath fame, if we were ever (my one Hebrew Bible class, long ago, postulated those stories might have been tacked on later, though I don't know how prevalent that theory is) -- but a grown man who has been fighting gritty campaigns forever, and as a result can be ruthless as all heck when it suits him. Also, his conditioned response to seeing a woman: "Hey, let's sex her up!" Regardless of whether said woman is, you know, maybe married at the time.
And Joab, David's nephew! (I soooo wanted him to show up in my fic, but when both your betas tell you a scene has to go for two unrelated reasons, well.) I totally love Joab, because he so belongs in a G.R.R. Martin book. He's the completely amoral commander of David's army, and the go-to guy when David wants dirty stuff done. Possibly one of the best exchanges ever is between Joab and another random guy, while Joab is trying to beat down David's son Absalom's rebellion against David (David's son Absalom is another great character -- he's always plotting rebellion or sedition of some sort, and also he has hair that falls to his feet, which he's clearly quite proud of, and then he gets it stuck in a tree -- but let's move on):
RANDOM GUY: I saw Absalom hanging in a tree, defenceless.
JOAB: Why didn't you just kill him? I would've given you ten pieces of silver.
RANDOM GUY: Yeah... even if you actually paid me a thousand pieces of silver, instead of just promising them to me, I wouldn't, because when the king found out? You would totally be all 'who is this guy? I had nothing to do with this!'
JOAB [DIRECT QUOTE FROM ESV]: I will not waste time like this with you.
And he kills Absalom himself.
And the women! There's Abigail, who is one of the many Awesome Women in the Bible who basically does whatever she wants and is awesome doing it. Her (then) husband Nabal is an idiot who seems intent on getting all of them killed by totally insulting David (who, perhaps I mentioned, is rather ruthless, so he does not take well to this). Fortunately, Nabal's servants know that she's the go-to person, not her husband, and she quickly shows off her mad diplomacy skillz, pointing out to David that he really, really doesn't want to kill them, because everyone knows what a good guy David is! David's all "huh, yeah, you're right, I am a good guy!" and refrains from mass murder. Then Abigail is all "Husband? Did you realize I saved you and everyone who works for you from being totally killed?" Nabal promptly has a stroke and dies, and Abigail marries David, and yes there is a story there, quite possibly one where Abigail isn't perhaps so squeaky clean as she is depicted in exegesis, but that's a story for another time. Though regardless of whether you think she's squeaky clean or not, you have to hand it to her: the woman is smart, and tough.
There's Michal, who is also totally awesome in the little chinks she gets in between being defined by the men in her life. Michal is the daughter of Saul, who is the king of Israel before David and who, understandably, hates and despises David (who has been anointed to be king after him). They eventually get married anyway, and when her dad comes after David, Michal helps him escape out a window. Go Michal! Then Saul gives Michal to another guy entirely. When Saul dies, David arranges to get her back, but her then-husband follows her all the way to David, weeping. So clearly Michal is awesome! Then, later, Michal points out to David that he's making a fool of himself dancing in the street, and David is all defensive and self-righteous and "Michal... had no child to the day of her death," which of course is code for "No sex for you anymore!" I imagine Michal didn't like Abigail much at first, but obviously Abigail and Michal would make the greatest team ever, and I totally now want to write fic about them fighting crime together.
And Bathsheba! I love Bathsheba, but it is impossible for me to read 2 Samuel/1 Kings and not think she is the biggest clueless ditz ever. (Perhaps that's why I love her; I'm a clueless ditz too! Also, to be fair, she must have been quite young when the whole David thing went down, and there's a big power disparity to boot, and I can't honestly say I would have done things differently than she did, having grown up clueless and quite sheltered myself.) I mean, every time she shows up she does something extremely stupid. That whole going to David when she finds out she is pregnant by him and not her husband -- what did she think was going to happen, really? And then there's the time David's son #4, Adonijah, decides to declare himself king even though Bathsheba's son Solomon is supposed to be king and David is still alive anyway, and Nathan the prophet (totally my favorite character ever, but I'm running out of space here) has to be all "uh, don't you think you should maybe ask your husband to do something about this, Bathsheba?" Or the time when Adonijah asks Bathsheba to ask Solomon for David's last wife, and Solomon is all "uh, mom? Do you not realize he's making another bid for the throne by doing that?" (To compound the ditziness, David's son Absalom tried the exact same thing ten years back, after Bathsheba was already David's wife, so Bathsheba really should have known better.)
This rather begs the question: how did Bathsheba's son Solomon get to be known for his wisdom with such a ditz for a mother?
thistleingrey and orichalcum!(I also wrote a slightly cracky DS9 treat (thank you
infinimato!), which was lots of fun, and which I talk a little more about here, and this one has an entry here, but right now I want to talk about the awesomeness of 2 Samuel.)2 Samuel is really awesome, which I always forget. The Samuel/Kings books in general pretty much are made of awesomeness, what with all the conspiracies and attempted revolutions and successful revolutions and murders and so on (seriously... even if you don't have a religious bone in your body it's worth reading, if only to gawp at the violence and sex... I recommend the ESV translation), but 2 Samuel, in my opinion, is the best, because it focuses in on one dysfunctional and yet awesome family: the House of David.
There's King David himself, and we are not talking about the plucky fresh-faced boy of David-and-Goliath fame, if we were ever (my one Hebrew Bible class, long ago, postulated those stories might have been tacked on later, though I don't know how prevalent that theory is) -- but a grown man who has been fighting gritty campaigns forever, and as a result can be ruthless as all heck when it suits him. Also, his conditioned response to seeing a woman: "Hey, let's sex her up!" Regardless of whether said woman is, you know, maybe married at the time.
And Joab, David's nephew! (I soooo wanted him to show up in my fic, but when both your betas tell you a scene has to go for two unrelated reasons, well.) I totally love Joab, because he so belongs in a G.R.R. Martin book. He's the completely amoral commander of David's army, and the go-to guy when David wants dirty stuff done. Possibly one of the best exchanges ever is between Joab and another random guy, while Joab is trying to beat down David's son Absalom's rebellion against David (David's son Absalom is another great character -- he's always plotting rebellion or sedition of some sort, and also he has hair that falls to his feet, which he's clearly quite proud of, and then he gets it stuck in a tree -- but let's move on):
RANDOM GUY: I saw Absalom hanging in a tree, defenceless.
JOAB: Why didn't you just kill him? I would've given you ten pieces of silver.
RANDOM GUY: Yeah... even if you actually paid me a thousand pieces of silver, instead of just promising them to me, I wouldn't, because when the king found out? You would totally be all 'who is this guy? I had nothing to do with this!'
JOAB [DIRECT QUOTE FROM ESV]: I will not waste time like this with you.
And he kills Absalom himself.
And the women! There's Abigail, who is one of the many Awesome Women in the Bible who basically does whatever she wants and is awesome doing it. Her (then) husband Nabal is an idiot who seems intent on getting all of them killed by totally insulting David (who, perhaps I mentioned, is rather ruthless, so he does not take well to this). Fortunately, Nabal's servants know that she's the go-to person, not her husband, and she quickly shows off her mad diplomacy skillz, pointing out to David that he really, really doesn't want to kill them, because everyone knows what a good guy David is! David's all "huh, yeah, you're right, I am a good guy!" and refrains from mass murder. Then Abigail is all "Husband? Did you realize I saved you and everyone who works for you from being totally killed?" Nabal promptly has a stroke and dies, and Abigail marries David, and yes there is a story there, quite possibly one where Abigail isn't perhaps so squeaky clean as she is depicted in exegesis, but that's a story for another time. Though regardless of whether you think she's squeaky clean or not, you have to hand it to her: the woman is smart, and tough.
There's Michal, who is also totally awesome in the little chinks she gets in between being defined by the men in her life. Michal is the daughter of Saul, who is the king of Israel before David and who, understandably, hates and despises David (who has been anointed to be king after him). They eventually get married anyway, and when her dad comes after David, Michal helps him escape out a window. Go Michal! Then Saul gives Michal to another guy entirely. When Saul dies, David arranges to get her back, but her then-husband follows her all the way to David, weeping. So clearly Michal is awesome! Then, later, Michal points out to David that he's making a fool of himself dancing in the street, and David is all defensive and self-righteous and "Michal... had no child to the day of her death," which of course is code for "No sex for you anymore!" I imagine Michal didn't like Abigail much at first, but obviously Abigail and Michal would make the greatest team ever, and I totally now want to write fic about them fighting crime together.
And Bathsheba! I love Bathsheba, but it is impossible for me to read 2 Samuel/1 Kings and not think she is the biggest clueless ditz ever. (Perhaps that's why I love her; I'm a clueless ditz too! Also, to be fair, she must have been quite young when the whole David thing went down, and there's a big power disparity to boot, and I can't honestly say I would have done things differently than she did, having grown up clueless and quite sheltered myself.) I mean, every time she shows up she does something extremely stupid. That whole going to David when she finds out she is pregnant by him and not her husband -- what did she think was going to happen, really? And then there's the time David's son #4, Adonijah, decides to declare himself king even though Bathsheba's son Solomon is supposed to be king and David is still alive anyway, and Nathan the prophet (totally my favorite character ever, but I'm running out of space here) has to be all "uh, don't you think you should maybe ask your husband to do something about this, Bathsheba?" Or the time when Adonijah asks Bathsheba to ask Solomon for David's last wife, and Solomon is all "uh, mom? Do you not realize he's making another bid for the throne by doing that?" (To compound the ditziness, David's son Absalom tried the exact same thing ten years back, after Bathsheba was already David's wife, so Bathsheba really should have known better.)
This rather begs the question: how did Bathsheba's son Solomon get to be known for his wisdom with such a ditz for a mother?
