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Dec. 13th, 2022 10:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cahnI got released Sunday from my church calling as music coordinator, which I've been doing for four years almost exactly. (I was called a little before Christmas 2018, when my previous ward was split and the half of the ward I was in got combined with our current ward.) I'm having a ton of mixed feelings about this which I am going to inflict on you! instead of doing all the stuff I'm actually supposed to be doing
I knew the release would be coming at some point (usually they try to release people after 2.5-3 years, so I'd already been in longer than usual) but I didn't realize it would be then. (I found out thirty minutes before they told everyone else, which isn't typical.) I may have sped things up a bit by writing a long email to the bishopric a month or so ago with various music calling suggestions (including most importantly a CHOIR PIANIST and also please to not have the SAME PERSON doing the Sacrament (first hour) organ playing and Primary (second hour, kids) piano playing please!) and writing that email coinciding with having sick kids and almost certainly being a little sick myself and therefore feeling like I was doing a terrible job and anyone else would be better, and therefore pointing out I had been doing this job for four years and that maybe they should be thinking about a replacement. (This is impostor syndrome at its finest, because I actually bring some quite great strengths to the job, though a few weaknesses as well -- more on this a little later -- and it's not at all true that anyone else would be better; in fact, the person previous to me in the job was... well... honestly... not good. Not even adequate. As far as I can tell she did almost none of what I consider the serious functions of the job. And even though I can see all the places where I fell short, I have now had enough people tell me that I was really good at it that I may have to believe them.)
However, I asked the bishopric member who released me about it, because I really didn't want them to have done this because I was having one bad week, and he said that they'd been talking about releasing me since the summer, so I think that it probably didn't speed it up all that much -- and I think now is the best time, because the Christmas program is all in place and so the new music director doesn't have to worry about the Christmas program until next year, and won't have to worry about special music until January. (And I'm actually hoping he won't have to seriously think about it until February or March at least, because I should have a pretty good backlog of numbers at least vaguely planned for the new year -- ironically, the first time I've ever managed to do this! January is usually a wasteland where I never think to actually program people in, and it's often hard to find people anyway because they all did Christmas music.)
The most visible part of my calling was picking and conducting the hymns, which quite frankly is also the most silly part, in the sense that most churches don't have a conductor and it all goes just fine, and also the organist can pick the hymns too. The most important part of my calling, in my opinion, was finding special music every week (except for first Sundays of the month and some other special Sundays where it's organized by others). In principle it didn't have to be every week, but our ward has enough musical talent (and enough people who can last-minute pinch hit) that I felt bad if it wasn't every week.
One great thing about this calling is that It's not a very time-consuming calling (except for Christmas, but I don't anticipate Christmas will be all that much less time-consuming now that I'm not officially in a music calling, because I'll still be doing music, just not organizing it) -- picking hymns obviously doesn't take that long, and asking people to do special music is something I usually do at church, so no additional time needed. Reminders and planning and such take a little more time, and I ended up in quite a few more rehearsals than I probably would have otherwise, but still it wasn't anything like the time sink of a lot of other callings. But there was an undercurrent of stress that was difficult for me. What do I do if next week's number cancels? Do I have someone lined up for two weeks from now? Three? Four? (Almost everyone needs more than one week to prepare. I have a short list of people I can ask with one week or less notice.) Working a month in advance is not something I do well! :)
The part of my calling that was probably most useful is that, well, if you were paying attention to the dates you could tell that I was music coordinator through the pandemic -- so I saw the ward's music program through the pandemic. I saw us through doing outside instrumental music when we weren't singing and were only on zoom, and then I saw us through the transition back to coming back to church but not singing, and then back to singing. And I think I was a good person to do that, especially since I was able to provide a good deal of the instrumental music personally, or in conjunction with Awesome Music Family. I made Instrumental Christmas Program happen that one year and it was pretty difficult but it worked. And before that I also chivvied the ward's music program through the absorbing of my previous ward, which I was a great person for, as I was one of the few people who knew who the music people were in both wards.
The part I'm most proud of is that I made a real effort to include everyone I could, not just the three really good singers (although they are really great). I asked the youth groups and the women's group (and was about to get to the men's group) to put together numbers. I got some families to do musical numbers, and we found out that the D-- family can sing really well! I got a few high schoolers to do musical numbers, so now everyone knows that G-- can play clarinet (she's so good!) and that T-- can sing! I got the child who survived brain cancer and her dad to do a number together, and I will never hear the words "He[Jesus] loves the children / Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heaven" the same way again. (I don't think there was a dry eye in the church of those who knew her story, and I imagine even the ones who didn't.) I think I did really well at this.
The part that I didn't do well is that I'm very poor at delegating and I hate asking people to do things (you see why having me ask people for special music Every Week was stressful for me -- I mean, it wasn't horrible or anything, and I learned a lot from it! and it forced me to be extroverted and talk to people! and I connected with people I wouldn't have otherwise! and I made friends! and I had a lot of great experiences! but yeah, it was also like this constant undercurrent of stress) so: often, if there was a hole in the music program (the organist was sick, the person doing choir pianist couldn't, the choir conductor was out of town, someone (many someones) needed an accompanist) I'd just fill it, because I could, without asking someone else to do it. And although there are obviously good things about being able to do this, I don't think it's right to always be like that. I honestly loved being able to do it, but I think that's a trap, of sorts. I don't think it is a good thing in the long run if people start thinking that I'm the only person who can fill those holes, which I could see was becoming a danger. It's not good for the ward, because there are other people who can do things and they ought to be given the opportunities to be needed as well. (It feels really good to be needed. Not for everyone, of course, but a lot of people thrive when given that opportunity. And in fact I had at least one person mention to me that she was kinda sad that she felt no one was asking her to accompany these days...) And it's not good for me, either, in the long run -- in retrospect, now that I'm out of the calling, I can see that I was burning out a little, and also it's not good for me to feel as if I'm indispensable, much as I like it.
The person they called to be the new music coordinator is someone I have known for a long time, from when I first moved here. I'm pretty sure he's a bit younger than I am; he is kind of a didactic awkward nerd (of course I feel a kinship, as I am also very much the last two, though I try to mask the first, but I do have the distinct advantage of being female and reasonably cute, which has both the obvious advantages and the perhaps more subtle advantage that I'm often surrounded by other women who have vastly superior social skills that can both smooth over our encounters and that I can learn from); he has a quite lovely singing voice and can read music very wellfor a singer; he has two kids, one of whom is the kid who had a brain tumor that I mentioned earlier. I was having a conversation last night at the church Christmas event with one of my music standbys, who said to me, "This is a step up for him." I hadn't thought of it that way, but I think it's true. There's a whole weird status thing with callings that everyone tries to ignore or pretend doesn't exist (because in principle all service is supposed to be equally valued), but it totally does. Music coordinator is... probably not one of the super high-status callings in general, except that it's very visible, and in our particular ward we have so much talent, and the music in our meetings has gotten to be something we're all kind of proud of, that, well, my perception is that it's kind of become more of a high-status calling than it would normally be. I hope he'll do a good job -- I think he will -- and I think my other Music Friend was right; if he does do a good job this could be really great for him.
They haven't called me to anything else yet. I think they're giving me a little break, plus which I suspect they're waiting to see how the other music callings shake out. In a way I don't have an identity within church right now, which feels super weird. Also, heh, now they'll probably call me to one of the random committees or something, and I'll be like "man, I should just have told them to keep me as music coordinator forever!" :) So I'm a little worried about that hanging over my head, but mostly I'm trying to enjoy the break of just... not having to worry about what the music next week (next month!) is. And of realizing that next year I do not have to deal with organizing the Christmas program or dealing with music drama! (To be fair there has been quite a dearth of drama this year.) That's someone else's problem now!
(They should probably call me as choir pianist. But I suppose we'll see.)
I knew the release would be coming at some point (usually they try to release people after 2.5-3 years, so I'd already been in longer than usual) but I didn't realize it would be then. (I found out thirty minutes before they told everyone else, which isn't typical.) I may have sped things up a bit by writing a long email to the bishopric a month or so ago with various music calling suggestions (including most importantly a CHOIR PIANIST and also please to not have the SAME PERSON doing the Sacrament (first hour) organ playing and Primary (second hour, kids) piano playing please!) and writing that email coinciding with having sick kids and almost certainly being a little sick myself and therefore feeling like I was doing a terrible job and anyone else would be better, and therefore pointing out I had been doing this job for four years and that maybe they should be thinking about a replacement. (This is impostor syndrome at its finest, because I actually bring some quite great strengths to the job, though a few weaknesses as well -- more on this a little later -- and it's not at all true that anyone else would be better; in fact, the person previous to me in the job was... well... honestly... not good. Not even adequate. As far as I can tell she did almost none of what I consider the serious functions of the job. And even though I can see all the places where I fell short, I have now had enough people tell me that I was really good at it that I may have to believe them.)
However, I asked the bishopric member who released me about it, because I really didn't want them to have done this because I was having one bad week, and he said that they'd been talking about releasing me since the summer, so I think that it probably didn't speed it up all that much -- and I think now is the best time, because the Christmas program is all in place and so the new music director doesn't have to worry about the Christmas program until next year, and won't have to worry about special music until January. (And I'm actually hoping he won't have to seriously think about it until February or March at least, because I should have a pretty good backlog of numbers at least vaguely planned for the new year -- ironically, the first time I've ever managed to do this! January is usually a wasteland where I never think to actually program people in, and it's often hard to find people anyway because they all did Christmas music.)
The most visible part of my calling was picking and conducting the hymns, which quite frankly is also the most silly part, in the sense that most churches don't have a conductor and it all goes just fine, and also the organist can pick the hymns too. The most important part of my calling, in my opinion, was finding special music every week (except for first Sundays of the month and some other special Sundays where it's organized by others). In principle it didn't have to be every week, but our ward has enough musical talent (and enough people who can last-minute pinch hit) that I felt bad if it wasn't every week.
One great thing about this calling is that It's not a very time-consuming calling (except for Christmas, but I don't anticipate Christmas will be all that much less time-consuming now that I'm not officially in a music calling, because I'll still be doing music, just not organizing it) -- picking hymns obviously doesn't take that long, and asking people to do special music is something I usually do at church, so no additional time needed. Reminders and planning and such take a little more time, and I ended up in quite a few more rehearsals than I probably would have otherwise, but still it wasn't anything like the time sink of a lot of other callings. But there was an undercurrent of stress that was difficult for me. What do I do if next week's number cancels? Do I have someone lined up for two weeks from now? Three? Four? (Almost everyone needs more than one week to prepare. I have a short list of people I can ask with one week or less notice.) Working a month in advance is not something I do well! :)
The part of my calling that was probably most useful is that, well, if you were paying attention to the dates you could tell that I was music coordinator through the pandemic -- so I saw the ward's music program through the pandemic. I saw us through doing outside instrumental music when we weren't singing and were only on zoom, and then I saw us through the transition back to coming back to church but not singing, and then back to singing. And I think I was a good person to do that, especially since I was able to provide a good deal of the instrumental music personally, or in conjunction with Awesome Music Family. I made Instrumental Christmas Program happen that one year and it was pretty difficult but it worked. And before that I also chivvied the ward's music program through the absorbing of my previous ward, which I was a great person for, as I was one of the few people who knew who the music people were in both wards.
The part I'm most proud of is that I made a real effort to include everyone I could, not just the three really good singers (although they are really great). I asked the youth groups and the women's group (and was about to get to the men's group) to put together numbers. I got some families to do musical numbers, and we found out that the D-- family can sing really well! I got a few high schoolers to do musical numbers, so now everyone knows that G-- can play clarinet (she's so good!) and that T-- can sing! I got the child who survived brain cancer and her dad to do a number together, and I will never hear the words "He[Jesus] loves the children / Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heaven" the same way again. (I don't think there was a dry eye in the church of those who knew her story, and I imagine even the ones who didn't.) I think I did really well at this.
The part that I didn't do well is that I'm very poor at delegating and I hate asking people to do things (you see why having me ask people for special music Every Week was stressful for me -- I mean, it wasn't horrible or anything, and I learned a lot from it! and it forced me to be extroverted and talk to people! and I connected with people I wouldn't have otherwise! and I made friends! and I had a lot of great experiences! but yeah, it was also like this constant undercurrent of stress) so: often, if there was a hole in the music program (the organist was sick, the person doing choir pianist couldn't, the choir conductor was out of town, someone (many someones) needed an accompanist) I'd just fill it, because I could, without asking someone else to do it. And although there are obviously good things about being able to do this, I don't think it's right to always be like that. I honestly loved being able to do it, but I think that's a trap, of sorts. I don't think it is a good thing in the long run if people start thinking that I'm the only person who can fill those holes, which I could see was becoming a danger. It's not good for the ward, because there are other people who can do things and they ought to be given the opportunities to be needed as well. (It feels really good to be needed. Not for everyone, of course, but a lot of people thrive when given that opportunity. And in fact I had at least one person mention to me that she was kinda sad that she felt no one was asking her to accompany these days...) And it's not good for me, either, in the long run -- in retrospect, now that I'm out of the calling, I can see that I was burning out a little, and also it's not good for me to feel as if I'm indispensable, much as I like it.
The person they called to be the new music coordinator is someone I have known for a long time, from when I first moved here. I'm pretty sure he's a bit younger than I am; he is kind of a didactic awkward nerd (of course I feel a kinship, as I am also very much the last two, though I try to mask the first, but I do have the distinct advantage of being female and reasonably cute, which has both the obvious advantages and the perhaps more subtle advantage that I'm often surrounded by other women who have vastly superior social skills that can both smooth over our encounters and that I can learn from); he has a quite lovely singing voice and can read music very well
They haven't called me to anything else yet. I think they're giving me a little break, plus which I suspect they're waiting to see how the other music callings shake out. In a way I don't have an identity within church right now, which feels super weird. Also, heh, now they'll probably call me to one of the random committees or something, and I'll be like "man, I should just have told them to keep me as music coordinator forever!" :) So I'm a little worried about that hanging over my head, but mostly I'm trying to enjoy the break of just... not having to worry about what the music next week (next month!) is. And of realizing that next year I do not have to deal with organizing the Christmas program or dealing with music drama! (To be fair there has been quite a dearth of drama this year.) That's someone else's problem now!
(They should probably call me as choir pianist. But I suppose we'll see.)
no subject
Date: 2022-12-14 08:09 pm (UTC)for a singer*snickers*
(It's true, though!)
"This is a step up for him."
Interesting about relative status of callings (I'm completely ignorant here)--sounds also as though it'd be a good challenge that he's equipped to grow into well?
Not having an identity temporarily sounds good while decompressing after not quite burning out a little!
no subject
Date: 2022-12-15 05:54 am (UTC)I think the status thing probably applies to a certain extent to any organization that's run on all-volunteer labor -- although this is the only one I have extensive personal experience with, so maybe I'm wrong.
sounds also as though it'd be a good challenge that he's equipped to grow into well?
Yes! I hope so!
Not having an identity temporarily sounds good while decompressing after not quite burning out a little!
Yeah! Right afterwards I was sort of sad and thinking I could have done it for a while longer, after all, and now that it's been a few days I'm seeing how much I was on the path to burning out even if I hadn't actually done it yet, and I think they were actually pretty smart to get me out now :)
no subject
Date: 2022-12-16 12:31 am (UTC)Sounds as though whoever (pl) figure out which folks for which callings at which times have decently balanced perception? No one really wants people to burn out if it's avoidable; perceptive leaders also don't want to let the community watch someone burn out when it's avoidable--trust issue generally.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-16 09:33 pm (UTC)It's a tight-knit community with a lot of informational exchange, so I think the bishopric generally has as good a bead on these things as is really possible, although as I said to
On burnout: I think that's why they've been pretty good about sticking to the 2.5-3 year limit, because they know people do burn out. Though I think there are a couple of people who are really super good at what they do and love it, and don't burn out, and do transcend those limits -- one of the guys who works with the youth has been there for six years, I found out :)
no subject
Date: 2022-12-21 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-23 06:40 pm (UTC)