![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cahnUnfortunately, there was then at Berlin a King who pursued one policy only, who deceived his enemies, but not his servants, and who lied without scruple, but never without necessity.
(from The King's Secret - by Duke de Broglie, grand-nephew of the subject of the book, Comte de Broglie, and grandfather of the physicist) )
(from The King's Secret - by Duke de Broglie, grand-nephew of the subject of the book, Comte de Broglie, and grandfather of the physicist) )
Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-17 07:42 am (UTC)So, the two main guys after James succeeded Elizabeth I.
1) Robert Carr or Kerr, both spellings were used in his life time. Meets courtier and poet Thomas Overbury en route to London. They become friends; Overbury, having learned that James is into hot guys, promotes Robert in the hopes Robert will in turn promote him. At first, this totally works. After Robert has an accident at a tournament, James insists on personally nursing him back to health and spends a lot of time in his bedchamber, "teaching him Latin" (yes, that's the official explanation). Robert Carr becomes the undisputed favourite, gets lots of offices and shiny new titles (including Duke of Somerset), which upsets the old aristocracy. It also upsets James' wife, Queen Anne. Robert then falls in love with Frances Howard, one of THE Howards (still seen as crypto Catholics, this is an importata plot points). Now she's already married with Robert Deveroux, Earl of Essex (son of Elizabeth's last fave). They were married very young (he 13, she 14), then he was sent off to the Grand Tour for two years, but since his return the marriage hasn't yet been consumated (Frances says) because he's impotent, so an annulment should be possible with the King's support.
Overbury: BAD IDEA. REALLY BAD IDEA. You need to keep the King sweet, not get married to a strong willed woman who's already married. I tell you, don't marry her! I even write poems against that marriage. Who's your original patron, huh? Listen to me!
Frances: I want to become the Duchess of Somerset and dislike you, Overbury. Also, my male relations now petition the courts to annul my marriage on the grounds of impotence no matter what you say.
Earl of Essex: I am not impotent!!!!!! In fact, I walk around showing everyone who doesn't run away in time how I can get an erection! (Yes, really.) But my wife is such a bitch who mocked me and insulted me when I came back from the Grand Tour that I can't get it up with her.
James I and VI: I am never jealous about my fave's wives, unlike Fritz, and support everything they want while they're still my faves. So I'm supporting the Robert/Frances match.
Overbury: I am still against it. Loudly. I hate Frances.
Robert Carr: Your Majesty, please offer my old pal Overbury the job taking him away as far from London as you can possibly get in tihs day and age so I don't feel ungrateful but am still rid of him.
James I and VI: You're now the new envoy to Moscow, Overbury. (We live pre Peter the Great, which is why St. Petersburg doesn't exist yet.)
Overbury: I decline the job and am staying here, continuing to argue, because Robert/Frances is my NOTP.
James: YOU WHAT? I'm the King, my job offers don't get refused, and also, whose boyfriend is Robert anyway? Off to the Tower with you!
A few months later: Overbury dies in the Tower, supposedly of natural causes. (This is a plot point.)
Robert: This where I have a severe attack of hubris. James, I know you've made me Gentleman of the Bedchamber early on in our relationship, but I don't want to hang out in your bedchamber anymore. I'd rather stay home and have sex with Frances.
James: :( :( :(
Archbishop of Canterbury: AN OPENING! See, I've been not so quietly freaking out that one of the crypto Catholic Howards is now the wife of the most powerful man of the Kingdom after James, but now I can see a silver lining. I am therefore pushing a pretty young man, one George Villiers, James' way.
Anne: I hate Robert and am supporting you in this. I'm sure this new boytoy will be not ambitious at all and can be controlled.
2.) George Villiers: I have the sexiest legs in the kingdom and am seriously underestimated in my willpower, cunning and ego by all my sponsors.
James I and VI: I have a new favourite. Come here, sexy!
Robert: What!
Frances: Try to win him back!
Robert's enemies: Oh no you don't. Your Majesty, horrible news! Remember that Overbury guy who died captivity? Turns out he didn't die of natural causes after all. He was poisoned. By Frances. And your now former fave was totally in on it.
Frances: While the rethoric against me is misogynistic as anything, historians agree I did have at the very least something to do with the poisoning, because I confess to when confronted with the provider of the poison.
Frances and Robert: Take Overbury's place in the Tower, she's condemned as a murderer, he as an accessory
James: commutes their sentences from death to imprisonment; they will get released after a few years, and Robert will actually outlive Buckingham, dying in quiet obscurity in 1645
Rumor: Why would James do that if Robert is his ex and been so ungrateful? Could it be he was into the poison plot as well and wanted to prevent Robert and Frances blaming him in their death speeches?
James-friendly folk: Or he was just nice that way.
George Villiers: Who even cares. Point is: I'm taking over as the undisputed favourite. Among the gazillion titles James gives me is of course "Duke of Buckingham". Speaking of titles, I sell those which means the English aristocracy goes from 80 plus title holders to ca. 160 when I die, and that's a big reason why the old aristocracy hates my guts. Mind you, it doesn't really shift the balance in the House of Lords into my favour because EVERYONE envies and hates me. Everyone, that is, except young Charles, because remember, I accomplish the feat that nearly all other favourites of royals don't pull off, becoming beloved by two generations, a father AND a son.
Henrietta Maria: Tell me about it. I hate you. My marriage with Charles didn't really become the love affair it did until you died. Though no one ever has suspected you of having had sex with Charles as well as James.
James: I would like to object to my presentation as pudding in the hands of my faves. I mean, yes, I was crazy about Robert and then darling Steenie, my nickname for Buckingham, and wrote them tender love letters. But Steenie and my boy Chuck really wanted to start a war with the Spaniards once the Infanta had rebuffed Charles' wooing efforts in the last years of my reign, and I stuck my "no European wars!" guns. In fact, Nancy Goldstone presenting me as a bad Dad to Elizabeth the Winter Queen not withstanding, I to this day get much applause for both keeping England out of the Thirty Years War and for trying to reconcile the continental monarchs who were fighting it with each other. All this was very much not what either of my two big faves advised me to do, meaning like Heinrich, I had bad taste in men but my own political ideas.
Selena: what I don't understand is why anyone bothered with poisoning Overbury AFTER he was already in the Tower. Wouldn't it have made sense to poison him when he was still at large and influential?
Historians: We don't have a sensible explanation for this, either, but are certain that poisoning took place because of all the confessions, including that of Frances. Also, in case you're wondering, he got poisoned through an enema. 'Yes, poison was literally pumped into his behind. If that doesn't smack of personal spite...
Robert Devereux Earl of Essex: I just want everyone to know I WAS NOT IMPOTENT EXCEPT WITH FRANCES. Want to see my erection?
ETA: Forgot to include: after a few years had made it clear Buckingham was every bit as much an arrogant favourite as Robert Carr had been, getting all the great offices but without making Carr's mistake of letting James doubt his affections, a court faction tried to use the same ploy as before, i.e. placing a handsome young man near James in the hopes he's replace Buckingham. But Buckingham, whatever else he was, wasn't dense, and had a good memory. He'd BEEN the
hot red Porschenew young boytoy. So what he did wasn't going after the potential boytoy, oh no, he went straight for the potential new boytoy's sponsors, and had them in financial distress and banished from court in no time flat. After which, of course, the potential new boytoy was no longer interested in working for them, and anyway James was happy with his Steenie.Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-17 06:29 pm (UTC)Earl of Essex: I am not impotent!!!!!! In fact, I walk around showing everyone who doesn't run away in time how I can get an erection! (Yes, really.)
OMG. I really need to know exactly how this is phrased in the primary source(s).
James I and VI: You're now the new envoy to Moscow, Overbury. (We live pre Peter the Great, which is why St. Petersburg doesn't exist yet.)
For
James: dies 1625. Much of his reign is during Russia's "Time of Troubles", the anarchy and civil war that prevailed between the time when the Rurik dynasty (the family of Ivan the Terrible) died out in 1598, and when the first Romanov ascended in 1613.
St. Petersburg: founded 1703, after Peter the Great captured Swedish land near the start of the Great Northern War. Karl XII himself, after an initial victory against Peter at Narva, was busy invading Poland at the time, and made the mistake of thinking he could ignore Peter until he was done defeating August the Strong. BIG mistake. If he hadn't made that mistake, would Russia be the world power it is today?
Point is: I'm taking over as the undisputed favourite. Among the gazillion titles James gives me is of course "Duke of Buckingham". Speaking of titles, I sell those which means the English aristocracy goes from 80 plus title holders to ca. 160 when I die, and that's a big reason why the old aristocracy hates my guts.
I knew James gave him a million titles, I didn't know he used them to double the number of titles in the realm!
All this was very much not what either of my two big faves advised me to do, meaning like Heinrich, I had bad taste in men but my own political ideas.
Hee!
Selena: what I don't understand is why anyone bothered with poisoning Overbury AFTER he was already in the Tower. Wouldn't it have made sense to poison him when he was still at large and influential?
Yes, excellent question.
Also, in case you're wondering, he got poisoned through an enema. 'Yes, poison was literally pumped into his behind. If that doesn't smack of personal spite...
Oh, that is interesting. I am reminded of Edward II, who was allegedly killed with a red-hot poker up his anus (
So if we have actual, reliable, contemporary evidence to believe the guy was poisoned with an enema, from the confessions and what-not, that's wildly interesting to me!
Robert Devereux Earl of Essex: I just want everyone to know I WAS NOT IMPOTENT EXCEPT WITH FRANCES. Want to see my erection?
*dies*
So what he did wasn't going after the potential boytoy, oh no, he went straight for the potential new boytoy's sponsors, and had them in financial distress and banished from court in no time flat. After which, of course, the potential new boytoy was no longer interested in working for them
Clever man!
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-18 07:16 am (UTC)OMG. I really need to know exactly how this is phrased in the primary source(s).
You and me both, because I heard it in a podcast. However, I then googled and came across this detailed article on Frances which you might find useful, especially in terms of who confessed what.
I knew James gave him a million titles, I didn't know he used them to double the number of titles in the realm!
To be fair: the guy who started the idea of title selling as a way of solving the constant Stuart monarch problem of getting cash when your Parliament isn't willing to hand it over had been Robert Cecil (sone of Willliam), Earl of Salisbury, aka the most competent minister James ever had, but he was dead by then, and anyway he only sold "baronet" as a title. Whereas Buckingham went into business for himself as well as the King and didn't stick to "baronet" but went through the entire hierarchy, so naturally the old nobles went spare in their hate-on for that alone, in addition to the envy.
Re: Edward II, yes, I also had heard that the red poker story now is discounted.
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-21 03:32 am (UTC)Thank you! I have bookmarked it for when my detective energies are not focused on 1768-1772. (My plan re The King's Secret, btw, since the boring part lasted for hundreds of pages, is to focus on reading up on 1768-1772 from a variety of perspectives and take notes, then to come back to Broglie's take on that period, then to do a series of write-ups for salon, including the Chevalier d'Eon, Broglie, and "things I, Mildred, have learned about 1768-1772.")
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-21 05:05 am (UTC)Ah, interesting! And good to know that it was fake news :P
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-18 08:02 pm (UTC)LOL at Erection Guy...
ETA: and re: erections, allow me to share this 17th century phrase, found in the OED: my noble Firelock of a Flesh-Pistoll.
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-19 12:00 pm (UTC)Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-21 03:33 am (UTC)Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-22 11:44 am (UTC)Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-22 11:45 am (UTC)Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-21 05:05 am (UTC)"teaching him Latin"
This is amazing. I'm totally figuring out how I can use this as an euphemism more often.
In fact, I walk around showing everyone who doesn't run away in time how I can get an erection!
WOW
I can't imagine why Frances wasn't turned on by this, Earl of Essex!
like Heinrich, I had bad taste in men but my own political ideas.
...huh.
I wonder what Heinrich's love life would have been like if he'd been king.
Also, in case you're wondering, he got poisoned through an enema. 'Yes, poison was literally pumped into his behind.
WHAT
But Buckingham, whatever else he was, wasn't dense, and had a good memory. He'd BEEN the hot red Porsche new young boytoy. So what he did wasn't going after the potential boytoy, oh no, he went straight for the potential new boytoy's sponsors, and had them in financial distress and banished from court in no time flat. After which, of course, the potential new boytoy was no longer interested in working for them, and anyway James was happy with his Steenie.
NICE. I get a kick out of intelligent counter-plotting!
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-21 05:30 am (UTC)"teaching him Latin"
This is amazing. I'm totally figuring out how I can use this as an euphemism more often.
Well, supposedly one of Charlemagne's daughters (unmarried, remember?) had a thing with her Latin teacher, soooooo there's a long tradition!
...huh.
I wonder what Heinrich's love life would have been like if he'd been king.
He'd have had less time for it, though I imagine he'd been a bit better at delegating all the work than Fritz. Otherwise, I don't think there'd have been much change, as he clearly had a type. Though presumably if he'd been King, there'd have been even more charismatic handsome trashy potential boyfriend candidates trying to win his favour. Note, though, that the guys he picked might have included spendrifts like Kaphengst, but not chamber hussars selling secrets to the enemy. *veg*
In the article I linked Mildred with, it says the enema thing comes from a letter from a Tower of London official, so presumably this really did happen, unlike Edward II's red hot poker.
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-21 05:35 am (UTC)And here I was just actually tutoring Latin in college!
...Probably for the best. :P
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-21 03:12 pm (UTC)BTW, as of today I'm on my annual hiking holidays in Southern Tyrolia with my APs and thus only ever briefly online, comments might come slow.
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-30 10:52 pm (UTC)...slow replies are basically my entire life right now, argh, as you can see. (Though I love reading salon comments, which I do even when I can't reply immediately!)
Re: Trashy Faves and Poisons
Date: 2023-09-30 10:49 pm (UTC)Heh, so Heinrich might not have been so great at balancing the budget (given that he had to ask Fritz for money, right?) but at least, yeah. :)