More thoughts on romance (inspired by The Sharing Knife/Bujold)

[cahn]

I realized something while reading TSK, which is that I don't like the way Bujold does romance when she's consciously thinking about romance.

What really draws me in, with romance, is-- part of falling in love, really getting love right, is seeing oneself differently. Realizing one might have to be a different person for the beloved. Learning to live with the faults of the beloved, and changing yourself to be the person that can live with your beloved.

The romances I love are all like that. Pride and Prejudice. Perilous Gard. Gaudy Night/Busman's Honeymoon. A Civil Campaign, except for the part where Miles' romance gets short-circuited at the end (which kind of irks me, but whatever). Possession (well, many styles of love are explored... one major one of which is an exploration of what happens when change/compromise does not occur).

The romance in TSK, in contrast, is relatively a bunch of infatuated sighs of "oh, isn't X wonderful?" Which is fine, and certainly a necessary part of romance, but if I want to see that I can just, you know, walk down the hallway and find someone who is engaged. Or read my journal entries about D :) Or, in fact, my journal entries about all my ex-boyfriends, all of whom have many fine and worthy qualities, though not enough-- and not well enough matched to mine, or at least we were unwilling to match them-- to keep us for a lifetime, or even for more than a couple of years. And that's the kicker: just reading about infatuation is rather unconvincing to me. If the author has not sufficiently shown us how the characters are doing the work-- and it can be work, albeit fun work-- of matching themselves together, well, I don't see any reason that I should expect the romance to last any longer than, you know, those of the growing number of people I know who are starting to get divorces.

Now, I'm not saying I don't enjoy the part of romance where the lovers are finding out all sorts of new and lovely things about each other. I really do like that, and I had great fun reading TSK-- and, because Bujold really is a consummate craftsman, it's not quite as cut-and-dried as I've implied here. But... I don't keep going back to it, the way I do to the deeper treatment of the books mentioned above.

Comments

[shadefell.livejournal.com]

I didn't think the Romance was the main aspect of the book so much as the Different Cultures and the Sharing Knife/Fetus Energy Mystery Thing was. It kind of got short shrift, with a lot of it being summed up (Dag being away, coming back, going away on rounds, coming back, her healing, then sex) because that's just not the focus of the book. It's kind of gooey and glow-y and happyfuzzy, but... it's not a romance novel.

Followed a train of links from the bujold community.

[http://users.livejournal.com/aseop_/]

But I like gooey romance! And remember, the romance does not end with their marriage. I expect that future books, and we have several more coming, will present further challenges to their relationship. Since their relationship is such an important part of the story, I doubt that it is over yet. It makes sense that the first book is about the infatuation and falling in love, there's plenty of time for troubles later.

[jenett]

Came here via the Bujold community - some excellent thoughts.

Have you read any Laurie R. King? (both her Mary Russell books, and her Kate Martinelli books touch on this particular kind of romance issue.) I adore Gaudy Night and Busman's Honeymoon, in particular, for similar reasons to yours (and Civil Campaign for those but also many other reasons.)

I'm reserving judgment on The Sharing Knife until I see volume 2: knowing that they were originally written as a single volume, I have hopes of further growth and development later. (Which is, actually, generally true of her other work, looking at some of the Miles development arcs, or Cordelia and Aral.)

[poodlerat.livejournal.com]

Here from the Bujold community. Wow, I really agree with you on what constitutes a good romance, if the fact that we love the same romances is anything to go by. If you haven't read it yet, I want to second the recommendation of The Beekeeper's Apprentice. Also, if you've never read anything by Guy Gavriel Kay, you might enjoy The Lions of Al-Rassan (historical fantasy) or The Summer Tree (high fantasy). All his work is really good, but I think Lions is his best in terms of romance...

Both your essays on TSK express pretty much exactly what I feel about the book. I didn't hate it, but it lacked the Bujold magic in so many ways that I was quite disappointed. Compared to the average fantasy novel, it wasn't that bad, but next to Barrayar, A Civil Campaign, or Curse of Chalion it just felt clumsy. I also think LMB does much better with heroines who are mature enough to be sure of themselves; Fawn's hesitance and...gentleness just got on my nerves after a while.