Among the books I'm reading is an account of Diderot's visit to Catherine in Russia. (This is the one that told me about the Huber paintings.) And I had to share this bizarre interlude.
Diderot: *is in Russia*
French envoy: *also in Russia*
French envoy: So, Diderot, you know how Catherine hates me and likes you? Versailles is trying to make a Franco-Russian treaty happen, and you can help! You're a patriot, right? Here's a list of talking points we'd like you to bring up with her next time to you talk.
Diderot: Eep! Catherine will be very upset if I start trying to push a French political agenda. Also, I'm really not qualified!
French envoy: Forgot to add, remember the last time you got locked up for your freethinking publications? It's not 1789 yet, and the Bastille is still there. Just saying. :D
Diderot: Fuck! If I can't go home, I'll be stuck as Catherine's guest in this wretched country forever, and she *is* kind of an absolute monarch who makes me nervous. And my wife and daughter and grandchildren are in France, I want to go home! But also not piss off the absolute monarch who's currently making me nervous. What do?
[Mildred: Normally I would say the refuge for freethinking French philosophes in trouble at home is Prussia, but I guess you burned that bridge.
(Remember that as we learned from the Diderot bio I reported on, Fritz really wanted Diderot to come say hi on his way to St. Petersburg, but Diderot was like "Hell to the no" and ostentatiously went out of his way to avoid Prussian territory, while badmouthing Fritz. Then Fritz started writing anti-Diderot pamphlets, because of course he did.)]
Some time later...
Diderot: Catherine, fount of all generosity and wisdom, I have come to throw myself on your mercy! I will be totally honest and up front with you about everything that's currently troubling me.
Catherine: Was not expecting this, but go on. What's up?
Diderot: Lots of complicated stuff, so I've got to work my way up to the big confession. Let's start with some common ground that we can all agree on. Fritz is THE WORST, amirite?
[Mildred: Burn that bridge, baby!
Author: "Given Catherine’s close personal and diplomatic ties to Frederick of Prussia, Diderot's vow of candor bordered on the suicidal."
Mildred: Well, I don't think she was *that* close personally as in a huge fangirl, but yeah, they were kind of allied, which is what the French are trying to change.]
Diderot: You know how the French court and us freethinking French philosophes don't see eye to eye on much? The one thing we can all agree on, ministers and philosophes alike, is without exception, we sincerely hate Fritz!
[Author: "While Catherine knew this claim was dubious—after all, didn't her good friend Voltaire, despite his difficult moments with the Prussian ruler, still praise Frederick?—she allowed Diderot to continue."
Mildred: Well, I can't blame Diderot for being confused by Fritz/Voltaire! Everyone was confused!]
Diderot: So France, France should be your ally. The time has come for you to open your eyes and see what Fritz is really like. He's just pretending to be an enlightened despot, but really he's a straight-up despot. And as for other enlightened monarchs? Let me flatter you by saying that it's just you. Louis XV can't claim any greatness either. He's mediocre, and we're on our way down. We haven't hit rock bottom in France yet, but who knows what the next reign holds? "Personally, I'm pessimistic, but let's hope I'm wrong!"
[Mildred: It's 1773, and you're not wrong.]
Catherine: So France...would or wouldn't make a great ally? You're undermining your own argument that I should break up with Fritz to ally with France.
Diderot: This is why I told the French envoy I wasn't qualified to push a political agenda! Which, after much meandering and a rant about Fritz I apparently just really needed to get out of my system, brings me to what I've been trying to work up the courage to say. I need you to know that that the French envoy approached me with this list of talking points and threatened me. Please help, and don't be mad at me. I don't want to talk foreign policy with you. Look how bad I am at it!
Catherine: Okay, I see that this is not your fault. You may tell the French envoy that you gave me the list, and tell him what I did with it.
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Diderot, Catherine, and Fritz
Date: 2021-12-12 04:55 pm (UTC)Diderot: *is in Russia*
French envoy: *also in Russia*
French envoy: So, Diderot, you know how Catherine hates me and likes you? Versailles is trying to make a Franco-Russian treaty happen, and you can help! You're a patriot, right? Here's a list of talking points we'd like you to bring up with her next time to you talk.
Diderot: Eep! Catherine will be very upset if I start trying to push a French political agenda. Also, I'm really not qualified!
French envoy: Forgot to add, remember the last time you got locked up for your freethinking publications? It's not 1789 yet, and the Bastille is still there. Just saying. :D
Diderot: Fuck! If I can't go home, I'll be stuck as Catherine's guest in this wretched country forever, and she *is* kind of an absolute monarch who makes me nervous. And my wife and daughter and grandchildren are in France, I want to go home! But also not piss off the absolute monarch who's currently making me nervous. What do?
[Mildred: Normally I would say the refuge for freethinking French philosophes in trouble at home is Prussia, but I guess you burned that bridge.
(Remember that as we learned from the Diderot bio I reported on, Fritz really wanted Diderot to come say hi on his way to St. Petersburg, but Diderot was like "Hell to the no" and ostentatiously went out of his way to avoid Prussian territory, while badmouthing Fritz. Then Fritz started writing anti-Diderot pamphlets, because of course he did.)]
Some time later...
Diderot: Catherine, fount of all generosity and wisdom, I have come to throw myself on your mercy! I will be totally honest and up front with you about everything that's currently troubling me.
Catherine: Was not expecting this, but go on. What's up?
Diderot: Lots of complicated stuff, so I've got to work my way up to the big confession. Let's start with some common ground that we can all agree on. Fritz is THE WORST, amirite?
[Mildred: Burn that bridge, baby!
Author: "Given Catherine’s close personal and diplomatic ties to Frederick of Prussia, Diderot's vow of candor bordered on the suicidal."
Mildred: Well, I don't think she was *that* close personally as in a huge fangirl, but yeah, they were kind of allied, which is what the French are trying to change.]
Diderot: You know how the French court and us freethinking French philosophes don't see eye to eye on much? The one thing we can all agree on, ministers and philosophes alike, is without exception, we sincerely hate Fritz!
[Author: "While Catherine knew this claim was dubious—after all, didn't her good friend Voltaire, despite his difficult moments with the Prussian ruler, still praise Frederick?—she allowed Diderot to continue."
Mildred: Well, I can't blame Diderot for being confused by Fritz/Voltaire! Everyone was confused!]
Diderot: So France, France should be your ally. The time has come for you to open your eyes and see what Fritz is really like. He's just pretending to be an enlightened despot, but really he's a straight-up despot. And as for other enlightened monarchs? Let me flatter you by saying that it's just you. Louis XV can't claim any greatness either. He's mediocre, and we're on our way down. We haven't hit rock bottom in France yet, but who knows what the next reign holds? "Personally, I'm pessimistic, but let's hope I'm wrong!"
[Mildred: It's 1773, and you're not wrong.]
Catherine: So France...would or wouldn't make a great ally? You're undermining your own argument that I should break up with Fritz to ally with France.
Diderot: This is why I told the French envoy I wasn't qualified to push a political agenda! Which, after much meandering and a rant about Fritz I apparently just really needed to get out of my system, brings me to what I've been trying to work up the courage to say. I need you to know that that the French envoy approached me with this list of talking points and threatened me. Please help, and don't be mad at me. I don't want to talk foreign policy with you. Look how bad I am at it!
Catherine: Okay, I see that this is not your fault. You may tell the French envoy that you gave me the list, and tell him what I did with it.
Catherine: *tosses list into fire*
Catherine: All good!
[Mildred: Well, that was...odd.]