Since this is a time for cheering up, here's another hilarious story from someone's memoirs - Poniatowski's, about how his affair with Catherine was finally busted by Peter. Which turned out to be a French farce instead of a Russian drama. For:
Since everything previously had gone well, and I had gotten used to the disguises and all the details that enabled these excursions, any danger seemed passed to me, and on July 6th I dared an excursion without having made arrangements with the Grand Duchess first, as we'd always had done it previously. I rented, as usual, a small covered carriage, which was driven by a Russian Iwokotchik, who didn't know me; on the backside of the carriage, the same disguised footman who'd come with me previously was there as well. In this night - which wasn't a night in Russia - we unfortunately encountered in the forest of Oranienbaum the Grand Duke with his entire entourage, all half drunk. The Iwokotchik was asked whom he was driving. He replied that he didn't know. My footman answered that I was a tailor. They let us pass, though Elisaveta Woronzowa, a lady-in-waiting to the Grand Duchess and the mistress of the Grand Duke, voiced suspicions about the supposed tailor which put the Grand Duke into the worst mood.
After I had spent a few hours with the Grand Duchess and left the secluded pavillon in which she then lived under the pretense of taking the baths, I was attacked after a few steps by three riders with their swords unsheathed, who took me by the collor and brought me to the Grand Duke; when he recognized me, he just ordered his companions to follow him. We went a path leading to the sea. I thought my ending was near; but on the shore, we turned right and went to another pavillon, where the Grand Duke asked me with unmistakable words whether I had relations with his wife. I denied it.
He: "Tell the truth, for if you tell the truth, everything can still be arranged, but if you deny it, you'll suffer."
I: "I can't admit having done something which I haven't done."
Now he went to the nearby room where he seemed to be in conversation with the people from his entourage; shortly afterwards, he returned and said:
He: "Well, since you won't talk, you'll have to remain here until further notice." And he left me. AT the door there was a guard, with me in the room there remained only General Brockdorf. (Brockdorf: childhood friend of Peter, Fritz and Prussia fan, too, mutual loathing between him and Poniatowski as well as between him and Catherine.) We remained in deepest silence for two hours, after which Count Alexander Schuvalov entered, the cousin of the (Empress') favourite. He was the Great Inquisitor, the head of the terrible department known in Russia as "the Secret Chancellory". As if nature wanted to widen the horror which the naming of his office alone produced, it had equipped him with nervous twitches which distorted his already ugly face whenever he was occupied with something.
HIs appearance let me be certain that the Czarina knew everything. He muttered a few words with an embarrassed face which seemed to signify he wanted an explanation from me about all that had happened.
Instead of indulging him with details, I said: "I think you'll understand that the honor of your court demand that this matter gets ended with the least possible attention, and that you set me free immediately."
He, still stammering, since he stuttered, too: "You're right, I'll get it sorted." He left, and in less than an hour was back in order to tell me that my carriage was ready, and that I could return to Peterhof.
It was a miserable carriage, made entirely of glass, like a lantern. in this supposed incognito i had to make my way at six in the morning, in bright daylight with two horses slowly across the deep sand, and this trip seemed to last a life time to me.
At some distance to Peterhof, I ordered the carriage to stop; I sent the carriage back, and went on foot for the rest of the way, in my big collar and my grey cap which I had pulled deep down my ears. One could have taken me for a robber, but at least I drew less attention from the curious than I would have done in that carriage.
When I had arrived at the wooden building where I was staying along with some other gentlemen belonging to the entourage of Prince Karl (of Saxony) in the ground floor rooms, the windows of which had all been opened, I didn't want to enter through the doors in order to avoid meeting anyone. God knows, I thought I was being smart by entering my room through the window; but I mistook the window and with one movement jumped right into my neighbour's room, General Roniker, who just then was getting shaved. He believed that he was facing a phantom. For some moments we were facing each other silently, and then we both burst into laughter. I said:
"Don't ask me where I'm coming from, and not why I jumped through that window, but as my loyal countryman you have to give me your word of honor not to mention anything to anyone."
He did give me his word, and I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep.
Two days I spent in the most horrible uncertainty. I saw on everyone's face that my adventure had become public, but no one mentioned it to me. At last, the Grand Duchess found a way to slip a billet to me, and I saw that she'd undertaken steps to win over the Grand Duke's mistress. Two days later, the Grand Duke came with his wife and his entire court to Peterhof, in order to celebrate St. Peter's Day, a holiday for the court in honor of the founder of this place.
That same evening, there was a court ball; I danced with Elizaveta Woronzova, a menuet, and told her on that occasion: "You could make a few people very happy." She replied: "It is as good as done. Just come an our after midnight with Lev Alexandrovich to the Pavillon Montplaisir where their imperial highnesses are lodging, in the lower gardens."
I pressed her hand; I talked to Lev Alexandrovitch Narishkin. He said: "Just go, you'll meet the Grand Duke there."
I mulled on this for a moment, then I said to Branicki: "Do you want to risk it to stroll with me tonight through the lower gardens? God knows where that stroll will lead us to, bu tit m ight take a good enging." He agreed without hesitation, and we go at the arranged hour to the arranged place. About twenty steps from the salon, I met Elisaveta Woronzova, who told me: "You need to wait somewhat, the Grand Duke is still smoking pipes with some people, and he first wants to get rid of them before talking to you." She left a few times to deduce the opportune moment. At last she said: "You may enter." And the Grand Duke approaches me with a joyful look and says: "You're a big fool for not confiding in me in time! If you'd done so we wouldn't have had this scandal!"
I agreed to everything, as you may well believe, and at once started to praise the deep wisdom in the military arrangments of his imperial highness which I couldn't possibly escape from. This flattered him extraordinarily, and put him into an excellent mood, so he said after fifteen minutes of this: "Since we're such good friends now, there's still someone missing."
Consequently, he went into his wife's room, pulled her out of her bed, left her only time to put on some stockings and a dressing gown - but she wasn't allowed to put on shoes or even an underskirt -, leads her into the room in this outfit and tells her while pointing at me:
"Well, here she is. I hope one will be content with me."
She used the opportunity and replied at once: "It only needs a few lines from your hand to the Vice Chancellor Woronzov to ask him that he should request the immediate return of our friend to our court from Warsaw."
The Grand Duke demanded a table in order to write. The only thing that could be found was a tablet which was put on his knees, and he writes an urgent billet to Woronzov in this matter; to me, he handed another paper, signed by his mistress as well, which I still possess in the original:
"You can be assured that I will do everything so that you may return. I will talk to everyone about this and will prove to you I will not forget you. I ask you not to forget me and to believe that I shall remain your friend and that I will do that is in my power to serve you. I remain your very affectionate servant Elisaveta Woronzova. "
Afterwards, the six of us chatted, joked around with a little fountain which was in the salon, as if we hadn't the slightest worries, and only left each other at four in the morning.
As crazy as all of this may sound - I swear it is nothing but the truth. This was the beginning of my intimacy with Branicki.
OK, uh, the parts I understood were hilarious but I think I need the last part explained with more actual names and small words :)
-Catherine wins over Elisaveta -Elisaveta tells P. to come with Lev to the garden that night... to meet with Peter?? -P. goes with Branicki (who is this guy??) to the garden as instructed, Peter meets him -Peter gets Catherine, who says he should go to Poland? I am kind of confused as to what Peter is thinking here and why he is much happier than he was when he last saw P. -Elisaveta wrote a letter that said that she would help him return to Poland... Is it that she said to Peter that P. was trying to get back to Poland, not getting it on with Catherine (as he was actually doing)??
-Elisaveta tells P. to come with Lev to the garden that night... to meet with Peter??
Yes
-P. goes with Branicki (who is this guy??) to the garden as instructed, Peter meets him
Branicki: this guy. Short version: friend of P's, betrayed him to the Russians when Poniatowski actually tried his best for Poland. Here they are in old age, in Russia, with Poniatowiski a gilded cage type of state prisoner and Branicki visiting.
-Peter gets Catherine, who says he should go to Poland? I am kind of confused as to what Peter is thinking here and why he is much happier than he was when he last saw P.
Okay, clarification: "our friend" means Poniatwoski, not Peter. Poniatowski is about to return to Poland, not least because the "tailor" bust up means the Czarina - Elizabeth, still alive, remember! - frowns on the indiscretion of it all. What Catherine is suggesting is that Peter, if he really has no hard feelings, should write to his mistress' dad (Woronzow, who is the political head honcho at the Russian court) to give the signal that Poniatowski can come back as envoy from Poland. I should say that Poniatowski had already once left (as Saxon envoy) and returned (as Polish envoy). Yes, Saxony was still in a union with Poland, but under Prussian occupation (there was a war going on, after all).
Why Peter is in a far better mood: presumably because his mistress has pointed out to him that if he lets his wife have her lover, more free time for them? I'm just guessing.
Re: this entire episode, between "I'm a tailor!"' and Poniatowsi jumping through the wrong window, a case can be made he's not afraid of making himself look ridiculous in his memoirs, knowing he does, which presumably was part of his charm.
From what using the search machine tells me, Catherine's memoirs just about break off at this point, so there isn't an equivalent detailed description of this episode there, but she has earlier stuff, for a contrast and compare.
Meeting Poniatowski:
I think we were allowed to come from Oranienbaum to town at Pentecost. Around this time, the English envoy Chevalier Williams came to Russia. In his entourag there was also Count Pontiatowski, a Pole (...). Around this time, I learned how indiscreet Sergej Saltykov (Catherine's first lover and possibly the biological father of her son) had behaved both in Dresden and in Sweden. Besides, he'd courted every women he met in both countries. At first, I didn't want to believe it, but then it got confirmed to me from so many sides that even his friends didn't want to defend him anymore. During this year, I became better friends than ever with Anna Nikitchna Naryshkin. Her brother-in-law was a great part of this, he always was the third in our company, and our pranks never ended. (...) Leo Naryshkin got sick of a dangerous fever, and during the course of that illness he wrote letters to me which I could tell at once weren't written by him. But I couldn't help replying. The letters were very good and full of humor. He claimed he let them be written by his secretary. At last, I found out that this "secretary" was none other than Count Poniatowski who'd become friends with the family Naryshkin and didn't leave his side.
After which Catherine/Poniatowski becomes a thing. I'm tickled she wants us to know she fell in love with his mind first, though, in a Cyrano fashion.
Catherine also has a French farce episode to report:
During this summer, Count Poniatowski made a trip to Poland, from which returned to Russia with a mandate from the King of Poland. (Currently just the King of Poland, since Prussian troops ocupy Saxony, remember.) Before his departure he came to Oranienbaum to say farwell to us. With him was Count Horn. He'd been sent from the King of Sweden (...). Count Poniatowski and Count Horn remained in Oranienbaum for forty-eight hours. During the first day, the Grand Duke was acting very well towards them, on the second day, they bored him since the wedding of a hunter was on his mind, where he wanted to indulge in a drinking bout. When he saw that Counts Poniatowski and Horn were still staying, he just left and I had to remain as sole hostess. After dinner I led the small company to the private rooms of the Grand Duke and myself. When we entered my cabinet, my bolognese pet dog raced towards us and barked angrily at Count Horn. But when it noticed Count Poniatowski, the animal was visibly overwhelmed with joy and affection. Since my cabinet was rather small, no one other than Leo Naryshkin, his sister-in-law and myself noticed. But Count Horn wasn't deceived, and when I returned to the dining room, he grabbed Count Poniatowski at his coat and said: "My friend, there's no worse traitor than a Bolognese spaniel. Whenever I fell in love with a woman, I always gave her such a dog as a gift. Through the animals I always learned if anyone was more favoured than I was. This rule never fails. (...) Count Poniatwoski treated the whole affair as being in Horn's imagination, but he couldn't dissuade him. Count Horn simply replied: "Don't worry, I'm discretion itself."
Wow, this was all very entertaining. Russian court: not quite the Rococo Dallas, but doing its best to keep up up with the neighbors. And thank you for asking those questions, cahn, because after my first read-through, I was...less confused than you but still rather confused!
Whenever I fell in love with a woman, I always gave her such a dog as a gift. Through the animals I always learned if anyone was more favoured than I was. This rule never fails. (...)
As a dog-lover, I have to say I looove this.
(Fritz's dogs: A woman? What is this creature? *bark bark* Oh, hi, Fredersdorf! Belly rubs?)
Checking out the race of Catherine's dog, I get this cutie; their wiki entry also mentions, in addition to Catherine, MT and the Marquise de Pompadour as prominent owners. Was no one in this cast a cat person, I wonder?
(The only contemporary who comes immediately to mind is Dr. Samuel Johnson, whose cat was named Hodges. Also Rousseau, who voices this theory in conversation with young Boswell: ROUSSEAU: Do you like cats? BOSWELL: No. ROUSSEAU: I was sure of that. It is my test of character. There you have the despotic instinct of men. They do not like cats because the cat is free and will never consent to become a slave. He will do nothing to your order, as other animals do. BOSWELL: Nor a hen, either. ROUSSEAU: A hen would obey your orders if you could make her understand them. But a cat will understand your perfectly and not obey them.
*looks at what dog lovers Fritz, MT, Catherine and the Marquise have in common*
*thinks of cats*
*agreeds with Rousseau's point*
(Except: one century earlier, Cardinal Richelieu was a great cat lover. He had up to thirteen at one point. They don't get more despoting that Monsieur "I have no enemies but the enemies of the state".)
Fritz' dogs: but what would they make of Up To No Good types like Glasow who nonethless spend a lot of time in Fritz' proximity for as long as they're in favour? What on earth would they make of Voltaire? (Now if there was someone born to be a cat person...)
*looks at what dog lovers Fritz, MT, Catherine and the Marquise have in common*
*thinks of cats*
*agreeds with Rousseau's point*
Hahaha. What about Wilhelmine?
Fritz' dogs: but what would they make of Up To No Good types like Glasow who nonethless spend a lot of time in Fritz' proximity for as long as they're in favour?
Well, no one ever said the dogs were a good judge of character! This test was *only* meant to be a barometer of time spent in proximity. Now if you spend time in proximity of a puppy-kicker, you might get a different result.
What on earth would they make of Voltaire? (Now if there was someone born to be a cat person...)
Hahaha. Yes, I can see Voltaire as a cat person. Fritz only liked Catts/Katts in human form. ;)
Charlotte: You better believe Wilhelmine was a bossy older sister. Hogging the covers and kicking me out of bed the one time we had to share one! Canonical proof, from her memoirs, during the family holiday from hell when there had been a fire in the palace which robbed me, Amalie and Ulrike of our bedrooms:
My sisters burst into my apartment greatly terrified, crying for mercy, not knowing where to lie down. I offered to share my bed with my sister Charlotte, and the two others were accommodated in that of the hereditary prince. La Montbail was obliged to put up with a couch, at which she grumbled mightily, not between the teeth, for she had had none for many a day, with the exception of one with which she played on the spinet. I expected every moment that we should be assailed hy this worn-out dental relic, for she could hy no means be consoled for the want of a feather-hcd to cherish her old hones on. My sister fell asleep immediately, but from being unaccustomed to sleep two in a bed she made me start up half asleep from the blows she gave me in making room. I returned them, which set us both a laughing, and we scarcely closed our eyes before the battle was renewed; my two youngest sisters carried on the same game. When we saw that it was impossible for us to sleep, we called the servants and ordered breakfast.
Meanwhile, all this talk of animals made me decide we need to hash out another AU, this one the Disney cartoon one where everyone is an animal. (You know, like the Disney Robin Hood where Robin is a fox.) Voltaire is definitely a cat, a stray one from the gutter who never stays anywhere for long. Fritz, FW & Heinrich as terriers are canon, while AW is a Golden Retriever. MT is a lioness, ruling the Pride after the old Lion King is dead despite everyone saying it couldn't be done. If not for his name and family coat of arms, I'd make Katte a greyhound but I suspect every Disney scenarist would jump on the pun. Speaking of puns, Federsdorf then has to be a Pomeranian. Lehndorff is one of those adorable Bolognese dogs. Algarotti, otoh, is another cat, a British shorthair (which is why he ultimately can't stay and has the urge to leave). Émilie is a Bengal cat. Suhm is neither dog nor cat: he's an owl. Grumbkow & Seckendorff are foxes. Peter Keith is a dachshund.
A Dackel, as we call the Dachshund in German, which I think sounds cuter, has to have something of an independent mind, since they were originally bread for hunting, and has to make quick decisions while running. That's my sole reason. Well, that and the fact that a Dackel named Waldi was the official mascot at the Olympian Games in Munich in 1972, and thus was around a lot when I was a small child. Hence toddler!me considering Dackel cute:
This is all gold. I don't know that I have anything to say about this as it is all completely Right. AW is, yes, completely a Golden Retriever <3 And of course Algarotti is a cat, that explains everything! MT YES!
Fredersdorf as a Pomeranian, lol!
Is Voltaire a cat who was born into a reasonably posh home but who fairly early on decided he liked the gutter rather better?
re: Voltaire - could be, but whatever place he was born to, he's a three color cat! How do you call them in English? Tortoise? Something else? In Germany, such cats are (in)famous for their aggressive temper, but they're also considered a sign of good fortune and hence called "Glückskatze". We had one once, and while it was pretty affectionate and eager to purr and get stroked, it also could easily scratch, without any seeming cause, that's true.
(I still can't get over the bit where he totally talks about how he saved himself for her!)
Catherine's son Paul, after Poniatowski is dead: That goes in the sealed archives along with Mom's memoirs, never to see the light again until the next few centuries or several. What do you mean someone has made a secret copy?!?
mildred_of_midgard, does the subject of Poniatowski's virginity come up in Ekaterina or is "deflowering of male by female" not a trope the Russian producers liked? (Unlike "assassionaton plotting Prussian monarch".)
I only saw the first season, and Poniatowski only makes a brief appearance. They're not even lovers yet that I recall. It may be in later seasons, not sure.
Yeah, but he becomes king of Poland just after that. Maybe they're going to do a Poniatowski-focused flashback early in season 2, idk. Or maybe that one appearance is all he gets, but at least to my eye, that appearance near the end made it look like there was going to be something between him and Catherine in future episodes. Maybe they're going to take liberties with chronology.
Maybe I'm just faceblind and he was there in every episode, who knows. :P I did struggle a lot to keep track of people (as per usual--you know, maybe this is part of why I dislike watching things) even without the wigs.
Actually, I just remembered my mother was trying to get me to watch educational television shows, like Sesame Street, at the age of 2-3, and I had no interest. I know from my own memories that I definitely needed glasses by age 4, and didn't get them until 7 or 8. Huh. Maybe my nearsightedness, lifelong lack of interest in movies/shows, and faceblindness are all related. Wild speculation, but maybe.
Maybe they're going to take liberties with chronology.
Thinking about it, should they do an arc with Poniatowski getting elected King with massive Catherine back, then surprising her by actually prioritizing Poland, then Poland getting partionened etc,, it would make narrative sense, I suppose to have the love affair at the start of it so it can be one story, just as I can see the point of cutting Poniatowski out of a story that focuses on the Catherine/Peter drama and Catherine' ascension, since their affair, while important to them when it happened, did not in the end impact on that tale, whereas both Catherine's first affair with Saltykov and the later with Grigorii Orlov are relevant to the Peter story. However, Poniatowski having an affair with Czarina Catherine is a different issue from Poniatowki having an affair with Grand Duchess Catherine.
...also, I doubt that a Russian tv series in the age of Putin is going to be critical of a Russia leader's behavior vis a vis Poland somehow....
Wigs: I sympathize. So do the produces of the Charles II tv show, because the periwig is even worse for facial recognition. Their solution was to declare that it's likely that a) the men were haired beneath it, and b) they didn't wear their wigs on private occasions, so the number of times everyone wears periwigs is cut to the absolute necessary minimum. The solution for the women is that they get wildly different hairstyles in their wigs. Meanwhile, the produces of the Versailles tv show, which takes place at the same time (supposedly) and even features some of the same characters, puts the men in natural long hair (supposedly, the actors don't have it, of course) with no curls and the women all as well (though still iln widly different hair styles. It looks gorgeous, but not much like Louis XVIV at all.
I was short sighted in Kindergarten, too, but it hadn't progressed yet ot the point it did in third grade when my teacher noticed I was writing after what I heard because I couldn't read what was written on the board.
it would make narrative sense, I suppose to have the love affair at the start of it so it can be one story, just as I can see the point of cutting Poniatowski out of a story that focuses on the Catherine/Peter drama and Catherine' ascension
I don't know if that's what they're doing, but I agree that such a decision would make narrative sense.
Their solution was to declare that it's likely that a) the men were haired beneath it, and b) they didn't wear their wigs on private occasions, so the number of times everyone wears periwigs is cut to the absolute necessary minimum.
Excellent!
I was short sighted in Kindergarten, too, but it hadn't progressed yet ot the point it did in third grade when my teacher noticed I was writing after what I heard because I couldn't read what was written on the board.
Hah. I was doing that from day one. (I skipped kindergarten, so went straight into first grade at age 5.) My teacher never noticed I was nearsighted, *but* the fact that I could only do what I heard did lead her to pick up on my ear infection quickly later in the year. I also had the problem in dance class at age 4 that I could only act based on what I heard plus what the students near me were doing. I had noticed that everyone else could see the teacher, but figured they were taller or better situated or something. That's how I know, in hindsight, that I was already very nearsighted.
It looks gorgeous, but not much like Louis XVIV at all.
If it helps me follow the plot, I endorse this particular historical inaccuracy!
...and now, there'll be this: The Great, a satiric miniseries starring Elle Fanning as Catherine and Nicholas Hoult as Peter. Going by the rest of the cast list, the only other character which could be based on someone historical could be Gwilym Lee as "Grigory" (Orlov, I guess). Peter is already Czar when Catherine arrives in the trailer. Official synopsis:
The Great is a satirical, comedic drama about the rise of Catherine the Great from outsider to the longest-reigning female ruler in Russia’s history. Season One is a fictionalized, fun and anachronistic story of an idealistic, romantic young girl, who arrives in Russia for an arranged marriage to the mercurial Emperor Peter. Hoping for love and sunshine, she finds instead a dangerous, depraved, backward world that she resolves to change. All she has to do is kill her husband, beat the church, baffle the military and get the court onside. A very modern story about the past which encompasses the many roles she played over her lifetime as lover, teacher, ruler, friend, and fighter. Incorporating historical facts occasionally, the series stars Elle Fanning as Catherine, Nicholas Hoult, Phoebe Fox, Adam Godley, Gwilym Lee, Charity Wakefield, Douglas Hodge, Sacha Dhawan, Sebastian de Souza, Bayo Gbadamosi and Belinda Bromilow.
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timeasmymeasure
How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-17 05:58 pm (UTC)Since everything previously had gone well, and I had gotten used to the disguises and all the details that enabled these excursions, any danger seemed passed to me, and on July 6th I dared an excursion without having made arrangements with the Grand Duchess first, as we'd always had done it previously. I rented, as usual, a small covered carriage, which was driven by a Russian Iwokotchik, who didn't know me; on the backside of the carriage, the same disguised footman who'd come with me previously was there as well. In this night - which wasn't a night in Russia - we unfortunately encountered in the forest of Oranienbaum the Grand Duke with his entire entourage, all half drunk. The Iwokotchik was asked whom he was driving. He replied that he didn't know. My footman answered that I was a tailor. They let us pass, though Elisaveta Woronzowa, a lady-in-waiting to the Grand Duchess and the mistress of the Grand Duke, voiced suspicions about the supposed tailor which put the Grand Duke into the worst mood.
After I had spent a few hours with the Grand Duchess and left the secluded pavillon in which she then lived under the pretense of taking the baths, I was attacked after a few steps by three riders with their swords unsheathed, who took me by the collor and brought me to the Grand Duke; when he recognized me, he just ordered his companions to follow him. We went a path leading to the sea. I thought my ending was near; but on the shore, we turned right and went to another pavillon, where the Grand Duke asked me with unmistakable words whether I had relations with his wife.
I denied it.
He: "Tell the truth, for if you tell the truth, everything can still be arranged, but if you deny it, you'll suffer."
I: "I can't admit having done something which I haven't done."
Now he went to the nearby room where he seemed to be in conversation with the people from his entourage; shortly afterwards, he returned and said:
He: "Well, since you won't talk, you'll have to remain here until further notice."
And he left me. AT the door there was a guard, with me in the room there remained only General Brockdorf. (Brockdorf: childhood friend of Peter, Fritz and Prussia fan, too, mutual loathing between him and Poniatowski as well as between him and Catherine.) We remained in deepest silence for two hours, after which Count Alexander Schuvalov entered, the cousin of the (Empress') favourite. He was the Great Inquisitor, the head of the terrible department known in Russia as "the Secret Chancellory". As if nature wanted to widen the horror which the naming of his office alone produced, it had equipped him with nervous twitches which distorted his already ugly face whenever he was occupied with something.
HIs appearance let me be certain that the Czarina knew everything. He muttered a few words with an embarrassed face which seemed to signify he wanted an explanation from me about all that had happened.
Instead of indulging him with details, I said: "I think you'll understand that the honor of your court demand that this matter gets ended with the least possible attention, and that you set me free immediately."
He, still stammering, since he stuttered, too: "You're right, I'll get it sorted."
He left, and in less than an hour was back in order to tell me that my carriage was ready, and that I could return to Peterhof.
It was a miserable carriage, made entirely of glass, like a lantern. in this supposed incognito i had to make my way at six in the morning, in bright daylight with two horses slowly across the deep sand, and this trip seemed to last a life time to me.
At some distance to Peterhof, I ordered the carriage to stop; I sent the carriage back, and went on foot for the rest of the way, in my big collar and my grey cap which I had pulled deep down my ears. One could have taken me for a robber, but at least I drew less attention from the curious than I would have done in that carriage.
When I had arrived at the wooden building where I was staying along with some other gentlemen belonging to the entourage of Prince Karl (of Saxony) in the ground floor rooms, the windows of which had all been opened, I didn't want to enter through the doors in order to avoid meeting anyone. God knows, I thought I was being smart by entering my room through the window; but I mistook the window and with one movement jumped right into my neighbour's room, General Roniker, who just then was getting shaved. He believed that he was facing a phantom. For some moments we were facing each other silently, and then we both burst into laughter. I said:
"Don't ask me where I'm coming from, and not why I jumped through that window, but as my loyal countryman you have to give me your word of honor not to mention anything to anyone."
He did give me his word, and I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep.
Two days I spent in the most horrible uncertainty. I saw on everyone's face that my adventure had become public, but no one mentioned it to me. At last, the Grand Duchess found a way to slip a billet to me, and I saw that she'd undertaken steps to win over the Grand Duke's mistress. Two days later, the Grand Duke came with his wife and his entire court to Peterhof, in order to celebrate St. Peter's Day, a holiday for the court in honor of the founder of this place.
That same evening, there was a court ball; I danced with Elizaveta Woronzova, a menuet, and told her on that occasion: "You could make a few people very happy." She replied: "It is as good as done. Just come an our after midnight with Lev Alexandrovich to the Pavillon Montplaisir where their imperial highnesses are lodging, in the lower gardens."
I pressed her hand; I talked to Lev Alexandrovitch Narishkin. He said: "Just go, you'll meet the Grand Duke there."
I mulled on this for a moment, then I said to Branicki: "Do you want to risk it to stroll with me tonight through the lower gardens? God knows where that stroll will lead us to, bu tit m ight take a good enging." He agreed without hesitation, and we go at the arranged hour to the arranged place. About twenty steps from the salon, I met Elisaveta Woronzova, who told me: "You need to wait somewhat, the Grand Duke is still smoking pipes with some people, and he first wants to get rid of them before talking to you." She left a few times to deduce the opportune moment. At last she said: "You may enter." And the Grand Duke approaches me with a joyful look and says: "You're a big fool for not confiding in me in time! If you'd done so we wouldn't have had this scandal!"
I agreed to everything, as you may well believe, and at once started to praise the deep wisdom in the military arrangments of his imperial highness which I couldn't possibly escape from. This flattered him extraordinarily, and put him into an excellent mood, so he said after fifteen minutes of this: "Since we're such good friends now, there's still someone missing."
Consequently, he went into his wife's room, pulled her out of her bed, left her only time to put on some stockings and a dressing gown - but she wasn't allowed to put on shoes or even an underskirt -, leads her into the room in this outfit and tells her while pointing at me:
"Well, here she is. I hope one will be content with me."
She used the opportunity and replied at once: "It only needs a few lines from your hand to the Vice Chancellor Woronzov to ask him that he should request the immediate return of our friend to our court from Warsaw."
The Grand Duke demanded a table in order to write. The only thing that could be found was a tablet which was put on his knees, and he writes an urgent billet to Woronzov in this matter; to me, he handed another paper, signed by his mistress as well, which I still possess in the original:
"You can be assured that I will do everything so that you may return. I will talk to everyone about this and will prove to you I will not forget you. I ask you not to forget me and to believe that I shall remain your friend and that I will do that is in my power to serve you. I remain your very affectionate servant Elisaveta Woronzova. "
Afterwards, the six of us chatted, joked around with a little fountain which was in the salon, as if we hadn't the slightest worries, and only left each other at four in the morning.
As crazy as all of this may sound - I swear it is nothing but the truth. This was the beginning of my intimacy with Branicki.
Exit Poniatowski to Poland a short time later.
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-19 04:25 am (UTC)-Catherine wins over Elisaveta
-Elisaveta tells P. to come with Lev to the garden that night... to meet with Peter??
-P. goes with Branicki (who is this guy??) to the garden as instructed, Peter meets him
-Peter gets Catherine, who says he should go to Poland? I am kind of confused as to what Peter is thinking here and why he is much happier than he was when he last saw P.
-Elisaveta wrote a letter that said that she would help him return to Poland... Is it that she said to Peter that P. was trying to get back to Poland, not getting it on with Catherine (as he was actually doing)??
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-19 06:37 am (UTC)-Catherine wins over Elisaveta
Yes
-Elisaveta tells P. to come with Lev to the garden that night... to meet with Peter??
Yes
-P. goes with Branicki (who is this guy??) to the garden as instructed, Peter meets him
Branicki: this guy. Short version: friend of P's, betrayed him to the Russians when Poniatowski actually tried his best for Poland. Here they are in old age, in Russia, with Poniatowiski a gilded cage type of state prisoner and Branicki visiting.
-Peter gets Catherine, who says he should go to Poland? I am kind of confused as to what Peter is thinking here and why he is much happier than he was when he last saw P.
Okay, clarification: "our friend" means Poniatwoski, not Peter. Poniatowski is about to return to Poland, not least because the "tailor" bust up means the Czarina - Elizabeth, still alive, remember! - frowns on the indiscretion of it all. What Catherine is suggesting is that Peter, if he really has no hard feelings, should write to his mistress' dad (Woronzow, who is the political head honcho at the Russian court) to give the signal that Poniatowski can come back as envoy from Poland.
I should say that Poniatowski had already once left (as Saxon envoy) and returned (as Polish envoy). Yes, Saxony was still in a union with Poland, but under Prussian occupation (there was a war going on, after all).
Why Peter is in a far better mood: presumably because his mistress has pointed out to him that if he lets his wife have her lover, more free time for them? I'm just guessing.
Re: this entire episode, between "I'm a tailor!"' and Poniatowsi jumping through the wrong window, a case can be made he's not afraid of making himself look ridiculous in his memoirs, knowing he does, which presumably was part of his charm.
From what using the search machine tells me, Catherine's memoirs just about break off at this point, so there isn't an equivalent detailed description of this episode there, but she has earlier stuff, for a contrast and compare.
Meeting Poniatowski:
I think we were allowed to come from Oranienbaum to town at Pentecost. Around this time, the English envoy Chevalier Williams came to Russia. In his entourag there was also Count Pontiatowski, a Pole (...). Around this time, I learned how indiscreet Sergej Saltykov (Catherine's first lover and possibly the biological father of her son) had behaved both in Dresden and in Sweden. Besides, he'd courted every women he met in both countries. At first, I didn't want to believe it, but then it got confirmed to me from so many sides that even his friends didn't want to defend him anymore. During this year, I became better friends than ever with Anna Nikitchna Naryshkin. Her brother-in-law was a great part of this, he always was the third in our company, and our pranks never ended. (...) Leo Naryshkin got sick of a dangerous fever, and during the course of that illness he wrote letters to me which I could tell at once weren't written by him. But I couldn't help replying. The letters were very good and full of humor. He claimed he let them be written by his secretary. At last, I found out that this "secretary" was none other than Count Poniatowski who'd become friends with the family Naryshkin and didn't leave his side.
After which Catherine/Poniatowski becomes a thing. I'm tickled she wants us to know she fell in love with his mind first, though, in a Cyrano fashion.
Catherine also has a French farce episode to report:
During this summer, Count Poniatowski made a trip to Poland, from which returned to Russia with a mandate from the King of Poland. (Currently just the King of Poland, since Prussian troops ocupy Saxony, remember.) Before his departure he came to Oranienbaum to say farwell to us. With him was Count Horn. He'd been sent from the King of Sweden (...). Count Poniatowski and Count Horn remained in Oranienbaum for forty-eight hours. During the first day, the Grand Duke was acting very well towards them, on the second day, they bored him since the wedding of a hunter was on his mind, where he wanted to indulge in a drinking bout. When he saw that Counts Poniatowski and Horn were still staying, he just left and I had to remain as sole hostess. After dinner I led the small company to the private rooms of the Grand Duke and myself. When we entered my cabinet, my bolognese pet dog raced towards us and barked angrily at Count Horn. But when it noticed Count Poniatowski, the animal was visibly overwhelmed with joy and affection. Since my cabinet was rather small, no one other than Leo Naryshkin, his sister-in-law and myself noticed. But Count Horn wasn't deceived, and when I returned to the dining room, he grabbed Count Poniatowski at his coat and said: "My friend, there's no worse traitor than a Bolognese spaniel. Whenever I fell in love with a woman, I always gave her such a dog as a gift. Through the animals I always learned if anyone was more favoured than I was. This rule never fails. (...)
Count Poniatwoski treated the whole affair as being in Horn's imagination, but he couldn't dissuade him. Count Horn simply replied: "Don't worry, I'm discretion itself."
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-21 12:44 am (UTC)Whenever I fell in love with a woman, I always gave her such a dog as a gift. Through the animals I always learned if anyone was more favoured than I was. This rule never fails. (...)
As a dog-lover, I have to say I looove this.
(Fritz's dogs: A woman? What is this creature? *bark bark* Oh, hi, Fredersdorf! Belly rubs?)
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-21 06:39 am (UTC)(The only contemporary who comes immediately to mind is Dr. Samuel Johnson, whose cat was named Hodges. Also Rousseau, who voices this theory in conversation with young Boswell:
ROUSSEAU: Do you like cats?
BOSWELL: No.
ROUSSEAU: I was sure of that. It is my test of character. There you have the despotic instinct of men. They do not like cats because the cat is free and will never consent to become a slave. He will do nothing to your order, as other animals do.
BOSWELL: Nor a hen, either.
ROUSSEAU: A hen would obey your orders if you could make her understand them. But a cat will understand your perfectly and not obey them.
*looks at what dog lovers Fritz, MT, Catherine and the Marquise have in common*
*thinks of cats*
*agreeds with Rousseau's point*
(Except: one century earlier, Cardinal Richelieu was a great cat lover. He had up to thirteen at one point. They don't get more despoting that Monsieur "I have no enemies but the enemies of the state".)
Fritz' dogs: but what would they make of Up To No Good types like Glasow who nonethless spend a lot of time in Fritz' proximity for as long as they're in favour? What on earth would they make of Voltaire? (Now if there was someone born to be a cat person...)
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-21 10:19 pm (UTC)*thinks of cats*
*agreeds with Rousseau's point*
Hahaha. What about Wilhelmine?
Fritz' dogs: but what would they make of Up To No Good types like Glasow who nonethless spend a lot of time in Fritz' proximity for as long as they're in favour?
Well, no one ever said the dogs were a good judge of character! This test was *only* meant to be a barometer of time spent in proximity. Now if you spend time in proximity of a puppy-kicker, you might get a different result.
What on earth would they make of Voltaire? (Now if there was someone born to be a cat person...)
Hahaha. Yes, I can see Voltaire as a cat person. Fritz only liked Catts/Katts in human form. ;)
Wust (Katte family seat) coat of arms.
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-22 01:46 pm (UTC)Charlotte: You better believe Wilhelmine was a bossy older sister. Hogging the covers and kicking me out of bed the one time we had to share one! Canonical proof, from her memoirs, during the family holiday from hell when there had been a fire in the palace which robbed me, Amalie and Ulrike of our bedrooms:
My sisters burst into my apartment greatly terrified, crying for mercy, not knowing where to lie down. I offered to share my bed with my sister Charlotte, and the two others were accommodated in that of the hereditary prince. La Montbail was obliged
to put up with a couch, at which she grumbled mightily, not between the teeth, for she had had none for many a day, with the exception of one with which she played
on the spinet. I expected every moment that we should be assailed hy this worn-out dental relic, for she could hy no means be consoled for the want of a feather-hcd to cherish her old hones on. My sister fell asleep immediately, but from being unaccustomed to sleep two in a bed she made me start up half asleep from the blows she gave me in making room. I returned them, which set us both a laughing, and we
scarcely closed our eyes before the battle was renewed; my two youngest sisters carried on the same game. When we saw that it was impossible for us to sleep, we
called the servants and ordered breakfast.
Meanwhile, all this talk of animals made me decide we need to hash out another AU, this one the Disney cartoon one where everyone is an animal. (You know, like the Disney Robin Hood where Robin is a fox.) Voltaire is definitely a cat, a stray one from the gutter who never stays anywhere for long. Fritz, FW & Heinrich as terriers are canon, while AW is a Golden Retriever. MT is a lioness, ruling the Pride after the old Lion King is dead despite everyone saying it couldn't be done. If not for his name and family coat of arms, I'd make Katte a greyhound but I suspect every Disney scenarist would jump on the pun. Speaking of puns, Federsdorf then has to be a Pomeranian. Lehndorff is one of those adorable Bolognese dogs. Algarotti, otoh, is another cat, a British shorthair (which is why he ultimately can't stay and has the urge to leave). Émilie is a Bengal cat. Suhm is neither dog nor cat: he's an owl. Grumbkow & Seckendorff are foxes. Peter Keith is a dachshund.
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 01:36 am (UTC)I'd make Katte a greyhound but I suspect every Disney scenarist would jump on the pun.
Indeed.
Speaking of puns, Federsdorf then has to be a Pomeranian.
YES!
Suhm is neither dog nor cat: he's an owl.
<3 Btw, Blanning refers to him not as "the Saxon envoy" but "the Saxon academic" in the Wolff-translating context. Ravenclaw indeed!
Émilie is *awesome*. As is MT, but Émilie rules my heart. Stray cat Voltaire, LOOL.
Peter Keith is a dachshund.
Elaborate, please?
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 06:17 am (UTC)Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 07:23 pm (UTC)Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-25 05:07 am (UTC)Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 04:14 am (UTC)Fredersdorf as a Pomeranian, lol!
Is Voltaire a cat who was born into a reasonably posh home but who fairly early on decided he liked the gutter rather better?
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 06:00 am (UTC)Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 08:01 pm (UTC)There are also calico cats, again not a breed but a coloration pattern.
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 03:14 am (UTC)lololol at Catherine for being all "I loved him for his mind! Not for his smoking hot body, nope."
Poniatowski: Well, actually, it was also my smoking hot and yet virginal body.
(I still can't get over the bit where he totally talks about how he saved himself for her!)
My friend, there's no worse traitor than a Bolognese spaniel.
heeheeheehee!
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 06:09 am (UTC)(I still can't get over the bit where he totally talks about how he saved himself for her!)
Catherine's son Paul, after Poniatowski is dead: That goes in the sealed archives along with Mom's memoirs, never to see the light again until the next few centuries or several. What do you mean someone has made a secret copy?!?
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 07:20 pm (UTC)Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 07:22 pm (UTC)Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-23 07:31 pm (UTC)Maybe I'm just faceblind and he was there in every episode, who knows. :P I did struggle a lot to keep track of people (as per usual--you know, maybe this is part of why I dislike watching things) even without the wigs.
Actually, I just remembered my mother was trying to get me to watch educational television shows, like Sesame Street, at the age of 2-3, and I had no interest. I know from my own memories that I definitely needed glasses by age 4, and didn't get them until 7 or 8. Huh. Maybe my nearsightedness, lifelong lack of interest in movies/shows, and faceblindness are all related. Wild speculation, but maybe.
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-24 05:18 am (UTC)Thinking about it, should they do an arc with Poniatowski getting elected King with massive Catherine back, then surprising her by actually prioritizing Poland, then Poland getting partionened etc,, it would make narrative sense, I suppose to have the love affair at the start of it so it can be one story, just as I can see the point of cutting Poniatowski out of a story that focuses on the Catherine/Peter drama and Catherine' ascension, since their affair, while important to them when it happened, did not in the end impact on that tale, whereas both Catherine's first affair with Saltykov and the later with Grigorii Orlov are relevant to the Peter story. However, Poniatowski having an affair with Czarina Catherine is a different issue from Poniatowki having an affair with Grand Duchess Catherine.
...also, I doubt that a Russian tv series in the age of Putin is going to be critical of a Russia leader's behavior vis a vis Poland somehow....
Wigs: I sympathize. So do the produces of the Charles II tv show, because the periwig is even worse for facial recognition. Their solution was to declare that it's likely that a) the men were haired beneath it, and b) they didn't wear their wigs on private occasions, so the number of times everyone wears periwigs is cut to the absolute necessary minimum. The solution for the women is that they get wildly different hairstyles in their wigs. Meanwhile, the produces of the Versailles tv show, which takes place at the same time (supposedly) and even features some of the same characters, puts the men in natural long hair (supposedly, the actors don't have it, of course) with no curls and the women all as well (though still iln widly different hair styles. It looks gorgeous, but not much like Louis XVIV at all.
I was short sighted in Kindergarten, too, but it hadn't progressed yet ot the point it did in third grade when my teacher noticed I was writing after what I heard because I couldn't read what was written on the board.
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-25 06:02 am (UTC)I don't know if that's what they're doing, but I agree that such a decision would make narrative sense.
Their solution was to declare that it's likely that a) the men were haired beneath it, and b) they didn't wear their wigs on private occasions, so the number of times everyone wears periwigs is cut to the absolute necessary minimum.
Excellent!
I was short sighted in Kindergarten, too, but it hadn't progressed yet ot the point it did in third grade when my teacher noticed I was writing after what I heard because I couldn't read what was written on the board.
Hah. I was doing that from day one. (I skipped kindergarten, so went straight into first grade at age 5.) My teacher never noticed I was nearsighted, *but* the fact that I could only do what I heard did lead her to pick up on my ear infection quickly later in the year. I also had the problem in dance class at age 4 that I could only act based on what I heard plus what the students near me were doing. I had noticed that everyone else could see the teacher, but figured they were taller or better situated or something. That's how I know, in hindsight, that I was already very nearsighted.
It looks gorgeous, but not much like Louis XVIV at all.
If it helps me follow the plot, I endorse this particular historical inaccuracy!
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-25 12:21 pm (UTC)The Great is a satirical, comedic drama about the rise of Catherine the Great from outsider to the longest-reigning female ruler in Russia’s history. Season One is a fictionalized, fun and anachronistic story of an idealistic, romantic young girl, who arrives in Russia for an arranged marriage to the mercurial Emperor Peter. Hoping for love and sunshine, she finds instead a dangerous, depraved, backward world that she resolves to change. All she has to do is kill her husband, beat the church, baffle the military and get the court onside. A very modern story about the past which encompasses the many roles she played over her lifetime as lover, teacher, ruler, friend, and fighter. Incorporating historical facts occasionally, the series stars Elle Fanning as Catherine, Nicholas Hoult, Phoebe Fox, Adam Godley, Gwilym Lee, Charity Wakefield, Douglas Hodge, Sacha Dhawan, Sebastian de Souza, Bayo Gbadamosi and Belinda Bromilow.
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-27 03:00 am (UTC)Based on
HISTORICAL FACTS
* Sort of
caption.
Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-27 07:05 am (UTC)Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
From:Re: How (Not) To Conduct A Very Secret Affair
Date: 2020-03-29 05:16 am (UTC)I like that they embrace being anachronistic. Like you guys say, rather honest of them!