OMG! I'm just going to suggest a few teeeeeny tweaks, but this is amaaaaazing, thank you so much for writing it!
likes to invade various territories for fun
"Fun and profit" is more accurate as well as equally snappy.
his boyfriend is deported when his father caught them
The tense shift from "is" to "caught" feels awkward to me. I would make it "catches." Also, maybe specify "(Peter Keith)" since it seems like you're specifying characters who are getting nominated?
he and his boyfriend
"He and his new boyfriend," juuuust for clarity?
executes Katte
Maybe add "in front of Fritz's very eyes" or some such? EXTRA DOSE OF TRAGEDY.
whose last words may have been
I think "whose last words were some variation on" makes a stronger case for the wonderfulness of the ship while still being historically accurate: the different accounts show only minor variations on the death scene. He clearly said *something* about being happy to die for Fritz. <3 :'-(
"(Well, in French.)"
I would omit this. I think translation from some language can be assumed, and I don't think specifying it contributes anything. If you think people will love the fact that it was French, I'd put "His last words, in French, were..." so we can end on the strong note of Katte proclaiming his love.
Voltaire reports...But he also
"On the one hand...on the other" makes the tension between reformer and expansionist clearer to me. In fact, I might add something to make it slightly more clear that Voltaire is talking about his liberal tendencies in the first part. Otherwise, I read it and try to figure out where the bastardy comes in.
Anti-Machievel
Anti-Machiavel
(Hilariously, he writes the Anti-Machiavel
I would omit the parentheses as well as the dates and phrase as: "Hilariously, he first writes the Anti-Machiavel...then three months later invades..." That way the reader doesn't have to do the math, plus it flows a little better from the preceding.
come up with a historical claim
I see that I put "come up with" in my summary, but I actually think "go look for a historical claim" is probably more accurate as well as, imo, funnier, because I think it's totally hilarious if the one they found was real and they didn't make it up. And I haven't looked into it, but as far as I know, it was a real claim (albeit a weak one and never meant to be anything else). In contrast, I have seen the pretense for the later invasion of Saxony dismissed as a possible fabrication on his part.
Fritz' sister Wilhelmine
I would specify that she was his favorite sister or most beloved sister or something. It heightens the family drama, and it's relevant.
WHERE CAN I FIND IT?(optional):
Missing space after the question mark.
primer on this as a TV show, complete with imagined fanon responses..
This ends in two periods.
A hilarious summary of the War of the Austrian Succession is here.
Did you mean for the link to go to selenak's intro to the Pragmatic Sanction upthread of the War of the Austrian Succession summary? Or directly to the summary? The intro is informative and interesting, but it begins in medias res and might be confusing if you start reading there.
And I haven't even gotten into the Voltaire/Fritz frenemy ship!
I suggest "snarky Voltaire/Fritz frenemy ship." People like snark. :D
It was way easier for me to go through this looking for typos than it would have been to write it, so thank you sooooo much once again for pimping my fandom for me! And it's now after 3 am and I'm half asleep, but I will resume being enthusiastic at you when I wake up, yaaay.
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Re: Fandom promo post
Date: 2019-09-21 07:17 am (UTC)likes to invade various territories for fun
"Fun and profit" is more accurate as well as equally snappy.
his boyfriend is deported when his father caught them
The tense shift from "is" to "caught" feels awkward to me. I would make it "catches." Also, maybe specify "(Peter Keith)" since it seems like you're specifying characters who are getting nominated?
he and his boyfriend
"He and his new boyfriend," juuuust for clarity?
executes Katte
Maybe add "in front of Fritz's very eyes" or some such? EXTRA DOSE OF TRAGEDY.
whose last words may have been
I think "whose last words were some variation on" makes a stronger case for the wonderfulness of the ship while still being historically accurate: the different accounts show only minor variations on the death scene. He clearly said *something* about being happy to die for Fritz. <3 :'-(
"(Well, in French.)"
I would omit this. I think translation from some language can be assumed, and I don't think specifying it contributes anything. If you think people will love the fact that it was French, I'd put "His last words, in French, were..." so we can end on the strong note of Katte proclaiming his love.
Voltaire reports...But he also
"On the one hand...on the other" makes the tension between reformer and expansionist clearer to me. In fact, I might add something to make it slightly more clear that Voltaire is talking about his liberal tendencies in the first part. Otherwise, I read it and try to figure out where the bastardy comes in.
Anti-Machievel
Anti-Machiavel
(Hilariously, he writes the Anti-Machiavel
I would omit the parentheses as well as the dates and phrase as: "Hilariously, he first writes the Anti-Machiavel...then three months later invades..." That way the reader doesn't have to do the math, plus it flows a little better from the preceding.
come up with a historical claim
I see that I put "come up with" in my summary, but I actually think "go look for a historical claim" is probably more accurate as well as, imo, funnier, because I think it's totally hilarious if the one they found was real and they didn't make it up. And I haven't looked into it, but as far as I know, it was a real claim (albeit a weak one and never meant to be anything else). In contrast, I have seen the pretense for the later invasion of Saxony dismissed as a possible fabrication on his part.
Fritz' sister Wilhelmine
I would specify that she was his favorite sister or most beloved sister or something. It heightens the family drama, and it's relevant.
WHERE CAN I FIND IT?(optional):
Missing space after the question mark.
primer on this as a TV show, complete with imagined fanon responses..
This ends in two periods.
A hilarious summary of the War of the Austrian Succession is here.
Did you mean for the link to go to
And I haven't even gotten into the Voltaire/Fritz frenemy ship!
I suggest "snarky Voltaire/Fritz frenemy ship." People like snark. :D
It was way easier for me to go through this looking for typos than it would have been to write it, so thank you sooooo much once again for pimping my fandom for me! And it's now after 3 am and I'm half asleep, but I will resume being enthusiastic at you when I wake up, yaaay.