I wonder about grief with D. He's been lucky and has not had anything that would cause a lot of grief in his life, so... I guess we'll see. There are a couple of atypical things going on that make me feel that grief would not be as big a deal for him:
a) he has a very... atypical concept of time; he is capable of getting places on time or abiding by a schedule if you stress to him that he needs to, but things like schedules are kind of alien to him. Similarly, as I said before, it just won't occur to him that he hasn't talked to his parents in a month or his sibling/friend in a year because I think in some fundamental way these units of time are sort of arbitrary to him, which is part of why I think he doesn't experience loneliness in a typical way -- how can you be lonely when as far as you're concerned it hasn't really been that long since you've seen/talked to all the people in your life?
b) His memory for people is just really bad. His memory for facts and numbers and places (and pretty much anything that isn't people) is really excellent, much better than most people's, and he remembers things that happened when he was a kid, but he won't remember specifics about people or things he did with them (e.g., there is at least one trip we took before we got married that he vaguely remembered as having done with a previous girlfriend until I pointed out I had photographic evidence). I can totally imagine that if I died he'd be over it more quickly than typical, in part because he'd mostly forget the things we'd done together. (He wouldn't forget the inside jokes! He actually has a very good memory for those, lol, and he would probably miss those.)
c) He is happy to have romantic/sexual relationships (and can be quite romantic, rather more so than I am!) and friendships, but I don't think it would occur to him to seek them out rather than have them happen organically (as happened with our relationship), whereas he actively seeks out alone time :P I think if our kids were grown and I was out of the picture he would probably just go camping/hiking All The Time and be totally happy.
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Date: 2019-09-16 06:55 pm (UTC)a) he has a very... atypical concept of time; he is capable of getting places on time or abiding by a schedule if you stress to him that he needs to, but things like schedules are kind of alien to him. Similarly, as I said before, it just won't occur to him that he hasn't talked to his parents in a month or his sibling/friend in a year because I think in some fundamental way these units of time are sort of arbitrary to him, which is part of why I think he doesn't experience loneliness in a typical way -- how can you be lonely when as far as you're concerned it hasn't really been that long since you've seen/talked to all the people in your life?
b) His memory for people is just really bad. His memory for facts and numbers and places (and pretty much anything that isn't people) is really excellent, much better than most people's, and he remembers things that happened when he was a kid, but he won't remember specifics about people or things he did with them (e.g., there is at least one trip we took before we got married that he vaguely remembered as having done with a previous girlfriend until I pointed out I had photographic evidence). I can totally imagine that if I died he'd be over it more quickly than typical, in part because he'd mostly forget the things we'd done together. (He wouldn't forget the inside jokes! He actually has a very good memory for those, lol, and he would probably miss those.)
c) He is happy to have romantic/sexual relationships (and can be quite romantic, rather more so than I am!) and friendships, but I don't think it would occur to him to seek them out rather than have them happen organically (as happened with our relationship), whereas he actively seeks out alone time :P I think if our kids were grown and I was out of the picture he would probably just go camping/hiking All The Time and be totally happy.