Now, it's also true that reading this when E was 4-6 or so meant I was also completely unimpressed by what collaborative problem-solving stuff there was, because it did NOT work for E at that time. Because at that age, whenever you asked her a question like, "Hmm, what do you think we should do?" or "Do you have any ideas?" it would set off her "omg someone is asking me a question therefore this has a right answer and I don't know what it is!!" trigger and she would become very unhappy. (Which was actually a root of some of our problems!) I suspect this was at least partially a theory of mind issue -- at that age she didn't really understand that other people had different information bases than she did, so that she did not understand the concept of trying to solicit her opinion about something. At her current age, of course, she has a much more developed theory of mind, and actually likes questions like that :) (Though is likely to answer with "I don't know!")
I think the overlap between people who have read parenting books and who are willing to read a book called The Explosive Child is pretty high :P (I don't think I'd be able to convince D. to read it.)
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Date: 2023-02-13 06:25 am (UTC)Now, it's also true that reading this when E was 4-6 or so meant I was also completely unimpressed by what collaborative problem-solving stuff there was, because it did NOT work for E at that time. Because at that age, whenever you asked her a question like, "Hmm, what do you think we should do?" or "Do you have any ideas?" it would set off her "omg someone is asking me a question therefore this has a right answer and I don't know what it is!!" trigger and she would become very unhappy. (Which was actually a root of some of our problems!) I suspect this was at least partially a theory of mind issue -- at that age she didn't really understand that other people had different information bases than she did, so that she did not understand the concept of trying to solicit her opinion about something. At her current age, of course, she has a much more developed theory of mind, and actually likes questions like that :) (Though is likely to answer with "I don't know!")
I think the overlap between people who have read parenting books and who are willing to read a book called The Explosive Child is pretty high :P (I don't think I'd be able to convince D. to read it.)