So it's 1756, and Grand Duchess Catherine challenges her admirer to write a self portrait for her. Which he does:
I would be content with my figure if I was an inch taller and had more beautifully shaped legs, not such a pronounced beak of a nose, less hips, a sharper gaze and more pronounced teeth. Not that these corrections would make me an Adonis, but I wouldn't ask for more, because I find my physiognomy to be noble and quite expressive, my gestures and my whole attitude distinguished enough to get anyone's attention anywhere. My shortsightedness gives me a sometimes awkward or sinister expression, but it doesn't keep, and once the first moment is over, I often make the mistake of striking a too proud attitude.
The excellent education I've enjoyed helped me to overcome the mistakes in my figure and my mind. I have enough wit to match anyone's conversation, but I don't have enough of an imagination to carry it over an extended time, except if my sentiment is deeply involved, or my well trained sense for anything to do with the arts.
I often notice the ridiculous and false in any area, and the flaws people have, and often I let them notice this too soon. I hate any bad company. A considerable laziness has prevented me from developing my talents and my knowledge as far as my abilities would allow me to. When I work, I do so in a fit of inspiration, I do a lot at once, or nothing at all. I don't easily trust people and thus come across as more sophisticated than I actually am. As far as businesses are concerned, I often am too eager and too sincere and thus put my foot in my mouth at times. I have a good judgment, easily find the mistakes of a project or of the one who leads it; but I need counsel and someone to restrain me in order not to make mistakes myself. I'm extraordinarily sensitive and tend to grieve more easily than I feel joy, and would feel too much of the first sensation if a precognition of the second didn't live in my heart. Burning and insatiable ambition lives within me, and my ideas for various reforms for the honor and the use of my fatherland are at the heart of all my projects and my entire life.
I thought I was not suited for women; my earliest attempts were just owed to a necessity owed to circumstance for me. Finally, I have at last encountered tender love, and now I love with such a passion that I feel a change of my fortune would make me the unhappiest of men and drive me into despair. The duties of friendship are sacred to me, and I carry them very far. If my friend should wrong me, there is nothing in the world I would not do to prevent a breakup; and long after he has insulted me, I would remember that I owe him much. I believe that I am a very good friend. It is true, I count only a few people as intimate friends, though I am of course grateful for anything good someone has done for me. (...)
I am generous, I hate dirty avarice, but I'm not capable of administrating my worldly goods. I can't keep my own secrets as well as I can keep those of others which I treat carefully. I am very compassionate. I have such a strong desire for love and approval that my vanity would grow into infinity if I wasn't so afraid of making myself look ridiculous. Furtherly, I don't lie, both out of principle and out of a natural dislike against falsehood. I'm very far from being devout, but I dare say I love God; I often address him, and I have the flattering conviction that he loves doing good as we ask it of him. I am fortunate to love my father and my mother, not just out of duty but out of affection. I would not be capable of carrying out a revenge scheme even if in my first anger I thought of one; I believe that pity would win in me. One forgives out of a certain weakness just as one does out of greatness, and I fear that for this reason, one day I shall have to give up many of my plans. I leave myself to my thoughts and possess enough imagination to not get bored if I'm alone and without a book, mainly since I now love.
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Re: Poniatowski - Me, Myself and I
Date: 2020-03-05 05:54 pm (UTC)I would be content with my figure if I was an inch taller and had more beautifully shaped legs, not such a pronounced beak of a nose, less hips, a sharper gaze and more pronounced teeth. Not that these corrections would make me an Adonis, but I wouldn't ask for more, because I find my physiognomy to be noble and quite expressive, my gestures and my whole attitude distinguished enough to get anyone's attention anywhere. My shortsightedness gives me a sometimes awkward or sinister expression, but it doesn't keep, and once the first moment is over, I often make the mistake of striking a too proud attitude.
The excellent education I've enjoyed helped me to overcome the mistakes in my figure and my mind. I have enough wit to match anyone's conversation, but I don't have enough of an imagination to carry it over an extended time, except if my sentiment is deeply involved, or my well trained sense for anything to do with the arts.
I often notice the ridiculous and false in any area, and the flaws people have, and often I let them notice this too soon. I hate any bad company. A considerable laziness has prevented me from developing my talents and my knowledge as far as my abilities would allow me to. When I work, I do so in a fit of inspiration, I do a lot at once, or nothing at all. I don't easily trust people and thus come across as more sophisticated than I actually am. As far as businesses are concerned, I often am too eager and too sincere and thus put my foot in my mouth at times. I have a good judgment, easily find the mistakes of a project or of the one who leads it; but I need counsel and someone to restrain me in order not to make mistakes myself. I'm extraordinarily sensitive and tend to grieve more easily than I feel joy, and would feel too much of the first sensation if a precognition of the second didn't live in my heart. Burning and insatiable ambition lives within me, and my ideas for various reforms for the honor and the use of my fatherland are at the heart of all my projects and my entire life.
I thought I was not suited for women; my earliest attempts were just owed to a necessity owed to circumstance for me. Finally, I have at last encountered tender love, and now I love with such a passion that I feel a change of my fortune would make me the unhappiest of men and drive me into despair. The duties of friendship are sacred to me, and I carry them very far. If my friend should wrong me, there is nothing in the world I would not do to prevent a breakup; and long after he has insulted me, I would remember that I owe him much. I believe that I am a very good friend. It is true, I count only a few people as intimate friends, though I am of course grateful for anything good someone has done for me. (...)
I am generous, I hate dirty avarice, but I'm not capable of administrating my worldly goods. I can't keep my own secrets as well as I can keep those of others which I treat carefully. I am very compassionate. I have such a strong desire for love and approval that my vanity would grow into infinity if I wasn't so afraid of making myself look ridiculous. Furtherly, I don't lie, both out of principle and out of a natural dislike against falsehood. I'm very far from being devout, but I dare say I love God; I often address him, and I have the flattering conviction that he loves doing good as we ask it of him. I am fortunate to love my father and my mother, not just out of duty but out of affection. I would not be capable of carrying out a revenge scheme even if in my first anger I thought of one; I believe that pity would win in me. One forgives out of a certain weakness just as one does out of greatness, and I fear that for this reason, one day I shall have to give up many of my plans. I leave myself to my thoughts and possess enough imagination to not get bored if I'm alone and without a book, mainly since I now love.