(no subject)

[cahn]

I had a really lovely vacation week last week!

-We picked up E from nerd camp and got to see part of the hilarious talent show the evening before we picked her up. E loved staying up until 5:30am the night/morning before we picked her up, and was devastated to leave camp and still talks about how much she misses it, though she is now on a Discord channel and Google Chat with all the kids from camp and is spending much of her time on that (though of course, true to form, she's not posting at all).

-We then went to Mt. Rainier Sunday evening through Tuesday morning. Monday mid-day it rained, and both Monday and Tuesday the mountain was not very visible in the clouds, but Monday morning and Tuesday morning we got a couple of short hikes in, and A. got to throw a number of rocks and sticks in water (though I'm sure he would say it was not enough). Sadly, E has mostly outgrown throwing rocks in water (she did a few), and mostly was moping about camp being over (although I think it was good for her to have things to do and not just be moping at home with her computer).

-Then, my family went home and I had basically an afternoon in Seattle to myself :D :D - on ase's advice, I took the light rail to downtown and went to Pike's Place Market (and spent a long time in the yarn store there, lol) and the Chihuly Glass Museum (which I LOVED, it's so SHINY) and walked around and generally had an awesome time. I loved downtown Seattle and could have spent a lot more time there, if I'd had it!

-Then, my parents showed up. Their first plan had been to rent a car, but instead I already had a car due to our previous plans, which was a VERY GOOD thing as Seattle airport is pretty overwhelming (and even more so right now with all the summer travel, I imagine), and they're really getting too old to deal with that kind of thing (especially my dad, see last bullet). And we drove to the resort on the Sound where my cousin's wedding weekend was.

-The wedding weekend itself was SO FUN. My cousin and his wife invited a ton of people (apparently 150 showed up, which wasn't quite the whole resort but close) and almost all my aunts/uncles and cousins came (my sister and one cousin didn't make it) and one set of -- I think second cousins once removed -- that my dad's family is close to for various reasons; the second-cousin-once-removed closest to my age (she's nine years younger than I am) I hadn't met before, and she is delightful, and we bonded quite a bit. I spent so much time talking and hanging out with extended family! I meant to do some water sports as the resort was on the water, but never even got around to it. And the wedding itself was both entertaining and super moving <3

-The wedding weekend also involved a LOT of very good food! A huge almost-cauldron (I guess it was more like a very large saucer?) of paella on Thursday evening, along with crostini with various toppings (my favorite was the bacon and caramelized onion jam) and make-your-own-berry-shortcake; another cousin's organization of a trip to a local oyster eatery (not affiliated with the wedding) that had extremely good oysters and clams in butter broth and clam chowder; a rehearsal dinner/welcome dinner that had crab legs and peel-your-own-shrimp and clam chowder in super yummy bread bowls; a wedding day breakfast that had Greek yogurt/granola/berries (which sounds not that great but it really was very good) and shakshuka, which I'd seen recipes for but never had before; a wedding reception with tiny crab cakes hors d'oeuvres (among others) and oysters, and a main buffet with king salmon and prime rib. (I must admit I liked the wedding reception main buffet least of all meals, though I suspect it cost the most, just because it was not quite as creative as the others.)

-My parents reportedly went to visit my sister the day after they got back and complained about the wedding the entire time they were with her, not saying anything positive until my sister asked if there was anything they liked, at which point they said that the food was good. They complained a LOT about the cost -- newsflash, it was at a fancy resort! my parents can afford it! and if they couldn't, they could have... not gone! -- and whenever there was any sort of decision made that did not cater to them specifically, like, we had to miss the last brunch because we had to leave early so I could catch my plane, and they thought the brunch should have been earlier -- and also complained about one of my cousin's daughters, who has short hair and wore an adorable suit and bow tie to the wedding, because she was acting too much like a boy *rolls eyes* (cousin's sisters and I asked, and her daughter is not trans and hasn't changed pronouns, she just wanted to dress that way. Which I think is fantastic! I'd've dressed in a suit and bow tie if I thought I could get away with it. You can see why I couldn't.) Buuuuut yeah the whole time with them was kind of like that; it was fine, but I'm glad my sister didn't go, she wouldn't have been able to put up with all that negativity.

-My dad is noticeably worse in mental function than he was in the spring, or perhaps I was paying more attention because I didn't have the kids with me. One on one he can often carry on a conversation that sounds reasonably cogent, but he can't process anything when in a group, and he can't process anything that takes cognitive load or is in multiple parts (he was very confused when mom and I tried to explain to him that most people who weren't family were attending by themselves or only with a spouse because the invitations said kids weren't invited, except for family), and at least once he couldn't remember something that had happened 24 hours ago (one of my cousins had given him salmon jerky, and he remembered someone had given it to him but not who had). This frustrates my mom a lot, which also doesn't help. :(

Comments

[luzula]

Oh, I have fond memories of Seattle! I lived there for two years as a kid, when my dad worked in the US (which probably changed a lot of things in my life--I doubt I'd be as fluent in English otherwise). Awww, Pike Place Market! And Mt Rainier!

Seattle

[brainwane]

I also have fond memories of Seattle from long ago. While in high school, I went there as part of a group trip to a journalism conference/competition, and one morning (against the rules of our trip!) I walked out of the hotel, alone, and just spent 30-60 minutes walking. It was the first time I'd ever seen one of those cafés where you can order from a window on the sidewall, and I think I got a bagel with cream cheese and munched it as I walked. It felt like, and I think it was, the first time I solo explored an urban environment, and I felt so free and happy. I think this was early enough in the morning that all the other girls in the hotel room I was sharing were asleep, and the sidewalks were pretty empty. I recall that early morning Pacific Northwest light and I think ever since then I've always loved it and associated it with possibility and self-efficacy and transgressive exploration.

Re: Seattle

[cahn]

It's the first time in years I've been able to solo explore an urban environment new to me! (Usually I have family with me :) Which is also great (and if D is around it means we can do a lot more by car, which I'm often a little hesitant about when by myself in urban environments), but very different.) So I also now have fond memories of Seattle associated with self-exploration :D eta: I meant to say, and apparently didn't, that I absolutely love your story. It feels like it must have been such a happy and possibility-unfolding experience <3

[cahn]

Oh, I didn't know that! That's really neat, and it seems like a nice place to have fond memories of :) In case it wasn't clear from the post, I'd never been there before despite living on the West Coast for a number of years now!

parents and car rental

[brainwane]

My sympathies on the negativity and complaining, and on your father's decline. So difficult to deal with.

Their first plan had been to rent a car

You have just reminded me of a particularly memorable short scifi story I read more than a decade ago, an oddly-written travelogue that included the ill-fitting line: "From Paris, they would inexplicably rent a car." A fond memory.

Re: parents and car rental

[cahn]

Thank you. My sister is the one who has been principally dealing with trying to get my dad fixed up medically, so I'm very grateful to her for that. I'm glad that I could take the brunt of the complaining this weekend, though, because the negativity and complaining specifically is much harder on her than on me. (She spent the weekend by herself and had a lovely and restorative time.)

[thistleingrey]

I turned up to a grad friend's wedding (actually two friends, both grad students, who married each other) in slacks, a blazer, and practical low heels because it was February--and because I knew they'd be okay with it (the +1 I brought, less so, heh, but they weren't his friends). It really was much more comfortable.

Really glad you had time for yourself! Sending good wishes for your father--is there support for helping him and your mother as he slides?

(Please don't mind the timestamp; the puppy had to go out then be kept company for a few minutes to settle back down)

[cahn]

Lol, that's excellent! <3

My sister has been doing the bulk of the work in medical support, which I'm very grateful for. My parents have been pretty good at thinking through some of these issues and what kind of support they might need, which is also a very good thing, but this is a good reminder we need to ask them again about whether they've thought more about which long-term homes they would prefer. Ugh!

[thistleingrey]

*nods* Also, perhaps, to sort out which of you (you, your sister, perhaps other relatives) will have durable power of attorney, medical directive stuff, etc. I ended up with all of it for my father because there's only one of me :) but sharing some of the load may be helpful, since you and your sister get along well!

[cahn]

Yes! My parents have fortunately sorted that out. (We are joint in those with either of us being able to make decisions if the other is not available, which we all thought was a good plan given that she lives closer but is also more likely to be incapacitated.) My sister's mother-in-law (her husband died a couple of years ago) has not sorted all of this out and it's... not a problem yet, but it's closer to becoming one :(

[thistleingrey]

Ah, that sounds ideal, honestly--glad you can share it. Best wishes re: your sister's MIL. :/

[cahn]

<3

[rachelmanija]

The food sounds so great.

[cahn]

I added the food for you :D Yes, it was so great! My cousin's family are all very appreciative of good food and we knew it would be good :D

[mildred_of_midgard]

I'm sorry about your father, but glad about the good times you had!

[cahn]

...yeah. He's still pretty happy though, and doesn't seem to mind. (though maybe it would better if he minded just a bit more?) And I think both my parents enjoyed getting to catch up with family, even if they complained about it later :)