Michael: My Dad died when I was two years old, so yes, I was another child Emperor. My mother Theodora, yes, another one - look, I can't help it if lots of Byzantine Empresses are named after THE Theodora, if they're not called Theophano instead - and the Eunuch Theokistos ruled for me during the first decade plus a few years. Early on, Mom's brother Bardas made a play, but she kicked him out of the regency council; keep your eyes on Uncle Bardas. Anyway, When I was 15, Mom knew the end of the regency was fast approaching, and wanted to marry me off while she still could select my bride. Because she couldn't stand my beloved Eudokia Ingarina. who, yes, was my mistress already. The bride Mom chose for me was also called Eudokia (Dekapolitissa) - I know, I know - , and yeah, couldn't stand her. Teenage me had it with Mom, then, and Uncle Bardas told me the way to a free life was to overthrow her and her Eunuch and install him as Regent. Okay, says I, and he kills Theokistos, kicks Mom out of the palace and becomes my right hand man.
Now, my image after this point was created by my successor who had to justify my demise and his own act and paid historians to present me as a useless drunk, with his historians borrowing entire descriptions of Nero and Mark Antony to describe me, and saddling me with the moniker "The Drunkard". More modern historians, however, have adopted my cause and point out that contemporary Arab and Bulgar chroniclers describe me as an active Emperor instead. Basically, they think I took over Mom's job and Uncle Bardas took over that of Theokistos. He was an A plus general, and while I was with him in the field a few times, I mostly remained in Constantinople. I won't deny I loved visiting the hippodrome and partying, but I'll have you know the Empire kept florishing and recovering from the humilation conga that had been the original Caliphate establishing. It wasn't all due to Uncle Bardas!
So here I am, enjoying the occasional trip the Hippodrome and party and my darling Eudokia Ingarina, when I meet this total hunk from Macedonia, though modern historians think he might have been Armenian instead. Despite all that happened: Basil was ripped, is what I'm saying. Also really charming. We first bonded over horses, and then he became my bff and favourite person and rapidly rose through the ranks. By which I mean that I first made him Master of the Horse, and then when my chamberlain died, I made him Chamberlain instead.
Now, usually the Chamberlains were all eunuchs, for the simple reason that they lived with the Imperial family in their living quarters, and often next to or in the Emperor's bedroom. Their title, literally translated, means "he who sleeps at the side". Basil was the first non-Eunuch in the job since I don't know when, and I could hardly castrate such a fine specimen, could I? I was just happy to have him with me. As to the inevitable question: Basil's historians had a mighty problem later on. On the one hand, they were paid to trash talk me, so of course they insinuated I had an eye for the boys as well as the girls. On the other hand, they couldn't do more than insinuate because the guy I was absolutely closest to was their new boss, and thus they insisted our relationship was completely and utterly straight because he couldn't possibly have a gay thought in his life. You should see their contortions when it comes to how I married Basil to my darling Eudokia Ingarina. Because see, if they said Basil and darling Eudokia did not have sex until I died, they slandered the paternity of Basil's oldest sons. If they said Basil and Eudokia did have sex in our years together, they implied Basil was fine with his wife having sex with me, and it's not far from there to the idea of a threesome, even for monks writing history. Me? I say they were my two favourite people, and I just loved being close to them.
So while this was going on, Uncle Bardas kept sideeying the situation, and said I should name him Caesar, what with me not having a legitimate son. Basil said this meant he had it in for me. Would Basil lie to me? We then did this master plan where I made Uncle Bardas feel save by appointing him Caesar, and then, when he thought he was safe, Basil offed him. Don't look at me like that, Uncle Bardas was the one who had convinced me to kick Mom out and off Theokistos back in the day. Just, next thing you know Basil, who was a few years older than me, says I should adopt him and make him Caesar instead. Historians are divided as to why I did that, what with the Bardas precedent. The older ones think I was just that dumb. The more recent ones have this theory that since I was still married to the other, unloved Eudokia whom I couldn't stand, and my beloved Eudokia now kept giving birth to sons, I had to do something to ensure that those sons would be able to become royal princes and in the long term able to succeed me. Hence the Basil adoption and elevation of him to Caesar. And then there are always those who think Basil was just that sexy.
You can see where this is going, I guess. The exact circumstances of Basil deciding it was time for the ultimate step are controversial again. Later the official story was that I was eyeing another fave and when in my cups told Basil that hey, I could just as easily make him Caesar, and Basil decided it was time to act. But thing is, while everyone assumes this guy got killed as well, no one can agree as to his name. Be that as it may, Basil got me drunk and to bed, as my chamberlain made sure there were no guards posted at my bedchamber, showed up with some thugs and killed me. Gruesomeley. My hands were cut off first and then I got the literal stab in the heart after having already received the proverbial one. I was only 27 years old, and had reigned in name since I was 2. Because I had made Basil Caesar already, he automatically succeeded me and didn't even have to talk the Patriarch into crowning him, what with him already consecrated. And then, as a final indignity, he didn't have me buried with the other imperial bodies but in a minor monastery. This just changed when Leo became Emperor and had me reburied properly.
So was Leo my son? Impossible to know. I mean, you could assume Basil and darling Eudokia Ingerina had no sex and then we'd all have known he and two other brothers of his were my kids, but in that case: how come my darling and I did not have a single baby together in the ten years BEFORE Basil the hunk entered my life? She only started to become pregnant, a lot, once Basil was with us in the imperial bedchamber. (Hi, Gustav!) Mind you, I don't blame Leo if he wanted to think he was my kid rather than Basil's, what with how his own relationship with Basil turned out. Sorry to say that my former hunky bff and killer might have made a competent Emperor, but a lousy dad to Leo. What with him having to be talked out of blinding the kid in favour to disqualify him from the throne. Basil even thought Leo was somehow responsible for his hunting accident, at least that's what he said on his deathbed. Sorry not sorry if that's the case, Basil. I really thought we had something!
Speaking of: no historian ever, and certainly no chronicler in Basil's pay, bothered to find out what my darling Eudoxia Ingarina thought of all of this. Remember, she kept being married to Basil as his Empress and gave birth to some more kids, so clearly they didn't stop having sex. Was she secretly hating every minute? Was she pragmatic and thought, better Empress than mourning my memory in some nunnery? Had she conspired with him, and I really hope that's not the case, seeing as to how we were together since I was a young teen and I would have married her back then if Mom hadn't made me marry the other Eudokia? I shall never know, and neither will you. Cheers!
Despite all that happened: Basil was ripped, is what I'm saying.
LOLOLOLOL
Because see, if they said Basil and darling Eudokia did not have sex until I died, they slandered the paternity of Basil's oldest sons. If they said Basil and Eudokia did have sex in our years together, they implied Basil was fine with his wife having sex with me, and it's not far from there to the idea of a threesome, even for monks writing history.
WOW
And then there are always those who think Basil was just that sexy.
Heh!
And then, as a final indignity, he didn't have me buried with the other imperial bodies but in a minor monastery. This just changed when Leo became Emperor and had me reburied properly.
Ah! Now I connect that with Leo's ascension that you talked about in the previous writeup :)
but in that case: how come my darling and I did not have a single baby together in the ten years BEFORE Basil the hunk entered my life? She only started to become pregnant, a lot, once Basil was with us in the imperial bedchamber.
... UM. Wow!
But also, I thought you had suggested that Basil thought he was Michael's kid... although maybe it's just that he wasn't sure!
Aw Eudoxia Ingarina. Yeah, it would be really interesting to find out what all these people thought.
But also, I thought you had suggested that Basil thought he was Michael's kid... although maybe it's just that he wasn't sure!
Unless we're assuming Eudokia and Basil did not have sex as long as Michael was still alive, I don't think there's any way anyone could have known who the father of those children born during that time was, including Eudokia. I mean, it's not like the Byzantines could have done a blood test. In any event, the general assumption in Constantinople gossip was that Michael was the bio dad, but the problem with this, as Robin the podcaster points out, is that Michael and Eudokia Ingerna had been having a sexual relationship for ten years before Basil's arrival on the scene, and did not have a child. Nor did Michael have a child with anyone else. (Not just his unwanted wife.) Which would argue for Basil as the bio dad. But then again, unlikely things do happen, and maybe Michael's semen had a low fertility but it finally worked during the Basil era. In any event, like I said, there was no way to be sure if Eudokia was sleeping with both of them, which it looks like she was.
Mind you: Basil was the legal father of the following sons, and let's compare and contrast his behavior towards them:
1) Constantine (died young; we don't know who his mother was, as she does not get named in the primary sources, but the asusmption is it was Basil's first, pre coming to Constantinople wife from ye olde Macedonia days); Constantine was supposed to be Basil's successor in the first few years of Basil's reign, he made hm Caesar, and then young Constantine died. The next oldest son was:
2.) Leo the future Emperor, definitely the son of Eudokia and ?. Famously bookish (wrote poetry, lectures, legal commentary etc.); Basil's behavior towards him comes across as the Byzantium version of FW and Fritz. Tried not to have him as his successor. This, btw, is why Leo never was on campaign with his dad as a boy, and had two years of house arrest as a teenager after having been accused of conspiring against his father.
3.) Stephen (Eudokia was pregnant with him when Michael got murdered, so he's another one whose paternity has a question mark): Basil had him castrated and dedicated to the church as a baby. This was the first time an Emperor did this to his own legal son. (Doing it to either bastards or other people's sons had precedent, with the goal of preventing them from ever claiming the throne. Here of course it also had the double purpose, since presumably Stephen was supposed to be not just a simple monk but have a career in the church.) This was the brother whom Leo later made Patriarch of Constantinople after firing the previous Patriarch.
4.) Alexander (born years after Michael's death, thus definitely Basil's son. Basil loved him and made him Caesar after Constantine had kicked the bucket).
Now that certainly makes it look like Basil thought Constantine and Alexander were his kids and Leo and Stephen were not, so I don't blame the majority of Byzantines for assuming the same. Otoh, see above re: Michael not siring any children with anyone before Basil appeared on the scene.
What learning about this taught me: am I glad FW wasn't a Byzantine Emperor. I don't know who'd have gotten castrated if he'd been one, but someone would have been...
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Re: Royal Remarriages: Byzantine Edition
In this case, Michael (III) wants to have a word!
Michael: My Dad died when I was two years old, so yes, I was another child Emperor. My mother Theodora, yes, another one - look, I can't help it if lots of Byzantine Empresses are named after THE Theodora, if they're not called Theophano instead - and the Eunuch Theokistos ruled for me during the first decade plus a few years. Early on, Mom's brother Bardas made a play, but she kicked him out of the regency council; keep your eyes on Uncle Bardas. Anyway, When I was 15, Mom knew the end of the regency was fast approaching, and wanted to marry me off while she still could select my bride. Because she couldn't stand my beloved Eudokia Ingarina. who, yes, was my mistress already. The bride Mom chose for me was also called Eudokia (Dekapolitissa) - I know, I know - , and yeah, couldn't stand her. Teenage me had it with Mom, then, and Uncle Bardas told me the way to a free life was to overthrow her and her Eunuch and install him as Regent. Okay, says I, and he kills Theokistos, kicks Mom out of the palace and becomes my right hand man.
Now, my image after this point was created by my successor who had to justify my demise and his own act and paid historians to present me as a useless drunk, with his historians borrowing entire descriptions of Nero and Mark Antony to describe me, and saddling me with the moniker "The Drunkard". More modern historians, however, have adopted my cause and point out that contemporary Arab and Bulgar chroniclers describe me as an active Emperor instead. Basically, they think I took over Mom's job and Uncle Bardas took over that of Theokistos. He was an A plus general, and while I was with him in the field a few times, I mostly remained in Constantinople. I won't deny I loved visiting the hippodrome and partying, but I'll have you know the Empire kept florishing and recovering from the humilation conga that had been the original Caliphate establishing. It wasn't all due to Uncle Bardas!
So here I am, enjoying the occasional trip the Hippodrome and party and my darling Eudokia Ingarina, when I meet this total hunk from Macedonia, though modern historians think he might have been Armenian instead. Despite all that happened: Basil was ripped, is what I'm saying. Also really charming. We first bonded over horses, and then he became my bff and favourite person and rapidly rose through the ranks. By which I mean that I first made him Master of the Horse, and then when my chamberlain died, I made him Chamberlain instead.
Now, usually the Chamberlains were all eunuchs, for the simple reason that they lived with the Imperial family in their living quarters, and often next to or in the Emperor's bedroom. Their title, literally translated, means "he who sleeps at the side". Basil was the first non-Eunuch in the job since I don't know when, and I could hardly castrate such a fine specimen, could I? I was just happy to have him with me. As to the inevitable question: Basil's historians had a mighty problem later on. On the one hand, they were paid to trash talk me, so of course they insinuated I had an eye for the boys as well as the girls. On the other hand, they couldn't do more than insinuate because the guy I was absolutely closest to was their new boss, and thus they insisted our relationship was completely and utterly straight because he couldn't possibly have a gay thought in his life. You should see their contortions when it comes to how I married Basil to my darling Eudokia Ingarina. Because see, if they said Basil and darling Eudokia did not have sex until I died, they slandered the paternity of Basil's oldest sons. If they said Basil and Eudokia did have sex in our years together, they implied Basil was fine with his wife having sex with me, and it's not far from there to the idea of a threesome, even for monks writing history. Me? I say they were my two favourite people, and I just loved being close to them.
So while this was going on, Uncle Bardas kept sideeying the situation, and said I should name him Caesar, what with me not having a legitimate son. Basil said this meant he had it in for me. Would Basil lie to me? We then did this master plan where I made Uncle Bardas feel save by appointing him Caesar, and then, when he thought he was safe, Basil offed him. Don't look at me like that, Uncle Bardas was the one who had convinced me to kick Mom out and off Theokistos back in the day. Just, next thing you know Basil, who was a few years older than me, says I should adopt him and make him Caesar instead. Historians are divided as to why I did that, what with the Bardas precedent. The older ones think I was just that dumb. The more recent ones have this theory that since I was still married to the other, unloved Eudokia whom I couldn't stand, and my beloved Eudokia now kept giving birth to sons, I had to do something to ensure that those sons would be able to become royal princes and in the long term able to succeed me. Hence the Basil adoption and elevation of him to Caesar. And then there are always those who think Basil was just that sexy.
You can see where this is going, I guess. The exact circumstances of Basil deciding it was time for the ultimate step are controversial again. Later the official story was that I was eyeing another fave and when in my cups told Basil that hey, I could just as easily make him Caesar, and Basil decided it was time to act. But thing is, while everyone assumes this guy got killed as well, no one can agree as to his name. Be that as it may, Basil got me drunk and to bed, as my chamberlain made sure there were no guards posted at my bedchamber, showed up with some thugs and killed me. Gruesomeley. My hands were cut off first and then I got the literal stab in the heart after having already received the proverbial one. I was only 27 years old, and had reigned in name since I was 2. Because I had made Basil Caesar already, he automatically succeeded me and didn't even have to talk the Patriarch into crowning him, what with him already consecrated. And then, as a final indignity, he didn't have me buried with the other imperial bodies but in a minor monastery. This just changed when Leo became Emperor and had me reburied properly.
So was Leo my son? Impossible to know. I mean, you could assume Basil and darling Eudokia Ingerina had no sex and then we'd all have known he and two other brothers of his were my kids, but in that case: how come my darling and I did not have a single baby together in the ten years BEFORE Basil the hunk entered my life? She only started to become pregnant, a lot, once Basil was with us in the imperial bedchamber. (Hi, Gustav!) Mind you, I don't blame Leo if he wanted to think he was my kid rather than Basil's, what with how his own relationship with Basil turned out. Sorry to say that my former hunky bff and killer might have made a competent Emperor, but a lousy dad to Leo. What with him having to be talked out of blinding the kid in favour to disqualify him from the throne. Basil even thought Leo was somehow responsible for his hunting accident, at least that's what he said on his deathbed. Sorry not sorry if that's the case, Basil. I really thought we had something!
Speaking of: no historian ever, and certainly no chronicler in Basil's pay, bothered to find out what my darling Eudoxia Ingarina thought of all of this. Remember, she kept being married to Basil as his Empress and gave birth to some more kids, so clearly they didn't stop having sex. Was she secretly hating every minute? Was she pragmatic and thought, better Empress than mourning my memory in some nunnery? Had she conspired with him, and I really hope that's not the case, seeing as to how we were together since I was a young teen and I would have married her back then if Mom hadn't made me marry the other Eudokia? I shall never know, and neither will you. Cheers!
Re: Royal Remarriages: Byzantine Edition
Despite all that happened: Basil was ripped, is what I'm saying.
LOLOLOLOL
Because see, if they said Basil and darling Eudokia did not have sex until I died, they slandered the paternity of Basil's oldest sons. If they said Basil and Eudokia did have sex in our years together, they implied Basil was fine with his wife having sex with me, and it's not far from there to the idea of a threesome, even for monks writing history.
WOW
And then there are always those who think Basil was just that sexy.
Heh!
And then, as a final indignity, he didn't have me buried with the other imperial bodies but in a minor monastery. This just changed when Leo became Emperor and had me reburied properly.
Ah! Now I connect that with Leo's ascension that you talked about in the previous writeup :)
but in that case: how come my darling and I did not have a single baby together in the ten years BEFORE Basil the hunk entered my life? She only started to become pregnant, a lot, once Basil was with us in the imperial bedchamber.
...
UM. Wow!
But also, I thought you had suggested that Basil thought he was Michael's kid... although maybe it's just that he wasn't sure!
Aw Eudoxia Ingarina. Yeah, it would be really interesting to find out what all these people thought.
Re: Royal Remarriages: Byzantine Edition
Unless we're assuming Eudokia and Basil did not have sex as long as Michael was still alive, I don't think there's any way anyone could have known who the father of those children born during that time was, including Eudokia. I mean, it's not like the Byzantines could have done a blood test. In any event, the general assumption in Constantinople gossip was that Michael was the bio dad, but the problem with this, as Robin the podcaster points out, is that Michael and Eudokia Ingerna had been having a sexual relationship for ten years before Basil's arrival on the scene, and did not have a child. Nor did Michael have a child with anyone else. (Not just his unwanted wife.) Which would argue for Basil as the bio dad. But then again, unlikely things do happen, and maybe Michael's semen had a low fertility but it finally worked during the Basil era. In any event, like I said, there was no way to be sure if Eudokia was sleeping with both of them, which it looks like she was.
Mind you: Basil was the legal father of the following sons, and let's compare and contrast his behavior towards them:
1) Constantine (died young; we don't know who his mother was, as she does not get named in the primary sources, but the asusmption is it was Basil's first, pre coming to Constantinople wife from ye olde Macedonia days); Constantine was supposed to be Basil's successor in the first few years of Basil's reign, he made hm Caesar, and then young Constantine died. The next oldest son was:
2.) Leo the future Emperor, definitely the son of Eudokia and ?. Famously bookish (wrote poetry, lectures, legal commentary etc.); Basil's behavior towards him comes across as the Byzantium version of FW and Fritz. Tried not to have him as his successor. This, btw, is why Leo never was on campaign with his dad as a boy, and had two years of house arrest as a teenager after having been accused of conspiring against his father.
3.) Stephen (Eudokia was pregnant with him when Michael got murdered, so he's another one whose paternity has a question mark): Basil had him castrated and dedicated to the church as a baby. This was the first time an Emperor did this to his own legal son. (Doing it to either bastards or other people's sons had precedent, with the goal of preventing them from ever claiming the throne. Here of course it also had the double purpose, since presumably Stephen was supposed to be not just a simple monk but have a career in the church.) This was the brother whom Leo later made Patriarch of Constantinople after firing the previous Patriarch.
4.) Alexander (born years after Michael's death, thus definitely Basil's son. Basil loved him and made him Caesar after Constantine had kicked the bucket).
Now that certainly makes it look like Basil thought Constantine and Alexander were his kids and Leo and Stephen were not, so I don't blame the majority of Byzantines for assuming the same. Otoh, see above re: Michael not siring any children with anyone before Basil appeared on the scene.
What learning about this taught me: am I glad FW wasn't a Byzantine Emperor. I don't know who'd have gotten castrated if he'd been one, but someone would have been...