Okay, so this happened, and then I produced some crackfic, and then I thought it should go here.
selenak's comment: What is she fighting for? She wants boring men to leave her alone and let her read books. <3
Best reason to duel ever. And yes, if not for his misogyny and his regarding her as his romantic rival, Fritz could have totally sympathized. Mind you, do we really want to encourage him to fight duels? Émilie might have been content with just disarming her opponent, but Fritz? I fear it would end in him first writing a pamphlet about why duels are old fashioned and stupid, and then proceeding to slicing up the first person who makes the mistake of accepting a challenge.
Trufax: Lehndorff, with the usual WTF? of disbelief while watching as a groundling, notes in the middle of the Voltaire vs Maupertuis (vs Fritz) disaster, that Maupertuis challenged Voltaire to a duel. Not one of wits, a real fencing duel.
My reply:
I fear it would end in him first writing a pamphlet about why duels are old fashioned and stupid, and then proceeding to slicing up the first person who makes the mistake of accepting a challenge.
AHAHAHAHAAAAA *dies*
Are you kidding me? This, I *have* to see! :P
Trufax: Lehndorff, with the usual WTF? of disbelief while watching as a groundling, notes in the middle of the Voltaire vs Maupertuis (vs Fritz) disaster, that Maupertuis challenged Voltaire to a duel. Not one of wits, a real fencing duel.
Yup. And per my secondary sources, Maupertuis was extremely sick and coughing up blood at the time, but he felt he had to defend his honor even though he was in no shape to do so.
...Still not sure he wouldn't have won. Voltaire was no great shakes himself, in terms of physical conditioning or health.
Fritz would attack before the other person was ready, win, then write pamphlets defending himself. When he was invited to be someone's second, he would make an agreement with the opposite side and leave the principal stranded.
Eventually, people would realize that it needed to be three-on-one to counter his double-dealing. After starting the attack on a noncombatant second when nobody was ready, Fritz would spend most of his time trying to keep his opponents from joining forces. Eventually, after everyone was staggering around with blood streaming into their eyes, hardly able to see what was going on, one of his opponents would succumb to her gaping wound. Her second would step in, but so impressed by the fact that Fritz (with Heinrich as his reluctant second, natürlich) was still going, he would start attacking his former allies, shifting the terms of combat to two on two.
At the end of the day, everyone would be carried off the field on stretchers. Fritz would declare victory on the grounds that he was still alive. Nobody would be in a condition to argue. One of his opponents' seconds would come to visit him in the hospital bringing flowers and a get-well-soon card, but would make the mistake of challenging him to a duel later in life.
Fritz and Heinrich would stop quarreling long enough to heave a mutual great sigh and look at each other. "Fine." "Fine."
In unison: "Bring it on, kid."
cahn or iberiandoctor or anyone else who may be lurking, let me know if you need any of the historical parallels made explicit.
Dueling
What is she fighting for? She wants boring men to leave her alone and let her read books. <3
Best reason to duel ever. And yes, if not for his misogyny and his regarding her as his romantic rival, Fritz could have totally sympathized. Mind you, do we really want to encourage him to fight duels? Émilie might have been content with just disarming her opponent, but Fritz? I fear it would end in him first writing a pamphlet about why duels are old fashioned and stupid, and then proceeding to slicing up the first person who makes the mistake of accepting a challenge.
Trufax: Lehndorff, with the usual WTF? of disbelief while watching as a groundling, notes in the middle of the Voltaire vs Maupertuis (vs Fritz) disaster, that Maupertuis challenged Voltaire to a duel. Not one of wits, a real fencing duel.
My reply:
I fear it would end in him first writing a pamphlet about why duels are old fashioned and stupid, and then proceeding to slicing up the first person who makes the mistake of accepting a challenge.
AHAHAHAHAAAAA *dies*
Are you kidding me? This, I *have* to see! :P
Trufax: Lehndorff, with the usual WTF? of disbelief while watching as a groundling, notes in the middle of the Voltaire vs Maupertuis (vs Fritz) disaster, that Maupertuis challenged Voltaire to a duel. Not one of wits, a real fencing duel.
Yup. And per my secondary sources, Maupertuis was extremely sick and coughing up blood at the time, but he felt he had to defend his honor even though he was in no shape to do so.
...Still not sure he wouldn't have won. Voltaire was no great shakes himself, in terms of physical conditioning or health.
Fritz would attack before the other person was ready, win, then write pamphlets defending himself. When he was invited to be someone's second, he would make an agreement with the opposite side and leave the principal stranded.
Eventually, people would realize that it needed to be three-on-one to counter his double-dealing. After starting the attack on a noncombatant second when nobody was ready, Fritz would spend most of his time trying to keep his opponents from joining forces. Eventually, after everyone was staggering around with blood streaming into their eyes, hardly able to see what was going on, one of his opponents would succumb to her gaping wound. Her second would step in, but so impressed by the fact that Fritz (with Heinrich as his reluctant second, natürlich) was still going, he would start attacking his former allies, shifting the terms of combat to two on two.
At the end of the day, everyone would be carried off the field on stretchers. Fritz would declare victory on the grounds that he was still alive. Nobody would be in a condition to argue. One of his opponents' seconds would come to visit him in the hospital bringing flowers and a get-well-soon card, but would make the mistake of challenging him to a duel later in life.
Fritz and Heinrich would stop quarreling long enough to heave a mutual great sigh and look at each other. "Fine." "Fine."
In unison: "Bring it on, kid."