Every other word is perfect, though! I "oohed" and "awwed" at the "as if he were speaking of nothing in particular" and "If it became the Prince's own idea, he would do it; if it were Fredersdorf's, he would not." The phrasing is so perfect it made me glad you were writing it and not me.
Oh, and if we're changing 'the coat' to be more generic, should we also change 'before it completely falls apart' to something like 'sooner rather than later'? It sounds less like a criticism and is likewise less targeted at the only item of clothing in the room that is completely falling apart. Hypersensitive Fritz is hypersensitive. We can prime the reader to be thinking of the coat and call attention to its state, by having Fredersdorf silently observe it in one of the immediately preceding paragraphs. Since we're in his head.
Re: The emails
Sent: Dec 6
Every other word is perfect, though! I "oohed" and "awwed" at the "as if he were speaking of nothing in particular" and "If it became the Prince's own idea, he would do it; if it were Fredersdorf's, he would not." The phrasing is so perfect it made me glad you were writing it and not me.
Oh, and if we're changing 'the coat' to be more generic, should we also change 'before it completely falls apart' to something like 'sooner rather than later'? It sounds less like a criticism and is likewise less targeted at the only item of clothing in the room that is completely falling apart. Hypersensitive Fritz is hypersensitive. We can prime the reader to be thinking of the coat and call attention to its state, by having Fredersdorf silently observe it in one of the immediately preceding paragraphs. Since we're in his head.