"If you were a fellow noble" was me being cautious, because I can't say for sure what non-nobles were and weren't allowed. For example: in Fontane's book about his childhood, "Meine Kinderjahre", he describes among other things the interactions his parents (apothocary & wife, non noble) had in both Neuruppin (where Theo was born) and Swinemünde (small town at the coast where Dad had a pharmacy for a while) with the local Society ca. 1820. And I don't know how typical or atypical his father was, but Louis Fontane when later reminiscing talks about "dear *last name of noble*" to his adult son; meanwhile, when actually talking to the man in the Swinemünde days, he uses the "von".
(Telling anecdote: the Fontanes tried to form a reading & concert intellectual circle with some of the locals. Since these were nobles, the first time it was time to eat something and everyone had to go from one salon to the dining room, all the noble men automatically offered their arm to noble ladies (not their wives, just other noble ladies), so that Louis F. had to shrug, tell his wife "eh bien, Madame" and offer her his arm to escort her to the dining room. Basically, the class divide might at times have been invisible but was always there.
(Gieshübler adresses Effi throughout their friendship as "gnädige Frau". So does Crampas before their affair starts. Conclusion: definitely extra formality towards a woman unless you were related to her. The only males calling Effi "Effi" are her husband, her father and her cousin.)
Lehndorf: yep, it's the women, I'd say. He is more in female society than your avarage Prussian noble due to his job. He definitely doesn't use "von" with most of the men once he's introduced them.
Re: Kattes
(Telling anecdote: the Fontanes tried to form a reading & concert intellectual circle with some of the locals. Since these were nobles, the first time it was time to eat something and everyone had to go from one salon to the dining room, all the noble men automatically offered their arm to noble ladies (not their wives, just other noble ladies), so that Louis F. had to shrug, tell his wife "eh bien, Madame" and offer her his arm to escort her to the dining room. Basically, the class divide might at times have been invisible but was always there.
(Gieshübler adresses Effi throughout their friendship as "gnädige Frau". So does Crampas before their affair starts. Conclusion: definitely extra formality towards a woman unless you were related to her. The only males calling Effi "Effi" are her husband, her father and her cousin.)
Lehndorf: yep, it's the women, I'd say. He is more in female society than your avarage Prussian noble due to his job. He definitely doesn't use "von" with most of the men once he's introduced them.