This is practically a Yuletide fic. Like, no even needs to fictionalize it--I got my fic for this year. This is it.
Wow. I just...can't.
Heinrich: Come on. "We will remember every corner where we were scolded and sometimes hit. But even the sufferings one remembers from one's childhood cause joy in one's advanced years."
Fritz: To you, maybe. NOT COMING.
And in a stunning role reversal, Fritz displays the MOST emotional intelligence of the (surviving) Hohenzollern kids! Or maybe just the most traumatized-at-Wusterhausen. Either way. Fritz, sometimes I despair of you, but sometimes you make me so proud.
The rest of you, OMG, we said family therapy and hugs and music, not family poking of old wounds! HOW did you think this was a good idea?? Heinrich! You're supposed to be smarter than this!
Hohenzollern Sisters: Wow. That place brings memories. Dad was - well. But you know, Mom was worse.
Hohenzollern Brothers: WTF? Dad was way worse than Mom!
Guys, *we* figured out the gender-based difference in your upbringing just from reading about your wacko upbringing three centuries later! Surely maybe you could get a clue and realize that different kids can have different experiences with the same parents? Like, you know how upset you all are that Fritz treated Wilhelmine better than the rest of you? Maybe Mom and Dad had their favorites too?
Also, this is all supporting my guess that the worse Dad treated someone the better Mom treated them, and vice versa. Hence Fritz and his "Saint Mom" experience to go with, "Oh, yeah, Dad totally had to be talked out of executing me, and that's *after* the times he had to be dragged away from trying to strangle me with a cord around my neck, which caused me to run away in the first place. Heinrich, you say you want to reminisce about the times he 'sometimes' hit you? Have fun with that. Amalie, you say ONE FUCKING WORD about Dear Departed Mom and that's IT."
(It occurs to me that Amalie is the unmarried one who kind of lives with or at least near Fritz, and is most financially dependent on him. I kind of have to wonder if she was so free with her opinions about Mom around him, or if the details of this fight got back to him, and if so if he had anything to say to her.)
Next thing on my to do list: get an heir!
I love how you threw that in there! This is definitely the show where material from earlier episodes pays off in in-jokes in later episodes. :D
Fritz: In that spirit of rare fraternal unity, please go visit Catherine in St. Petersburg. Because I don't think she'll like an all powerful Swedish king next door.
Wikipedia tells me that in fact she did not, and she and Gustav were at war between 1788-1790, so starting two years after Fritz died (Heinrich was alive and well for another decade and more). Also that Gustav was assassinated in 1792. Can't say I'm surprised by either of these facts.
Look. Gustav. If your uncles manage to agree on something, maybe you should sit up and pay attention.
Also, this:
Gustav: I have received an anonymous tip that there is a plan to assassinate me at the next masked ball. In keeping with the excellent judgment I've displayed so far, how about I go to the ball, hang out in an opera box overlooking the dancing floor as a prime shooting target, and dare anyone to kill me.
Gustav in the box: Bring it, bitches!
Ten minutes later...
Gustav: Well, if they were going to shoot me, they would have shot me by now. Let's go down and enjoy the party. Seems perfectly safe.
Gustav at the ball: *gets shot*
To add insult to injury, it wasn't even a fatal shot in and of itself, but 18th century medicine happened, and he died two weeks later when the wound became infected. *facepalm*
Oh, Gustav.
Also, adding to the whole eerie parallel with the Ides of March, there was a literal soothsayer involved, at least tangentially. Gustav had visited one a few years earlier, she had said something that could be interpreted as a prediction of this plot, and she was interrogated after the assassination. Apparently she was found innocent, but it's a bit eerie.
Gustav, I don't know if you share your uncle's opinions about Shakespeare, but surely you can at least read your Plutarch? But then I guess Sweden would not be the Dallas of Rococo Scandinavia. And your aunts and uncles and mother are keeping the bar high for Hohenzollern Crazy. That family tradition is a lot to live up to.
Re: Hohenzollern Family Reunion
Wow. I just...can't.
Heinrich: Come on. "We will remember every corner where we were scolded and sometimes hit. But even the sufferings one remembers from one's childhood cause joy in one's advanced years."
Fritz: To you, maybe. NOT COMING.
And in a stunning role reversal, Fritz displays the MOST emotional intelligence of the (surviving) Hohenzollern kids! Or maybe just the most traumatized-at-Wusterhausen. Either way. Fritz, sometimes I despair of you, but sometimes you make me so proud.
The rest of you, OMG, we said family therapy and hugs and music, not family poking of old wounds! HOW did you think this was a good idea?? Heinrich! You're supposed to be smarter than this!
Hohenzollern Sisters: Wow. That place brings memories. Dad was - well. But you know, Mom was worse.
Hohenzollern Brothers: WTF? Dad was way worse than Mom!
Guys, *we* figured out the gender-based difference in your upbringing just from reading about your wacko upbringing three centuries later! Surely maybe you could get a clue and realize that different kids can have different experiences with the same parents? Like, you know how upset you all are that Fritz treated Wilhelmine better than the rest of you? Maybe Mom and Dad had their favorites too?
Also, this is all supporting my guess that the worse Dad treated someone the better Mom treated them, and vice versa. Hence Fritz and his "Saint Mom" experience to go with, "Oh, yeah, Dad totally had to be talked out of executing me, and that's *after* the times he had to be dragged away from trying to strangle me with a cord around my neck, which caused me to run away in the first place. Heinrich, you say you want to reminisce about the times he 'sometimes' hit you? Have fun with that. Amalie, you say ONE FUCKING WORD about Dear Departed Mom and that's IT."
(It occurs to me that Amalie is the unmarried one who kind of lives with or at least near Fritz, and is most financially dependent on him. I kind of have to wonder if she was so free with her opinions about Mom around him, or if the details of this fight got back to him, and if so if he had anything to say to her.)
Next thing on my to do list: get an heir!
I love how you threw that in there! This is definitely the show where material from earlier episodes pays off in in-jokes in later episodes. :D
Fritz: In that spirit of rare fraternal unity, please go visit Catherine in St. Petersburg. Because I don't think she'll like an all powerful Swedish king next door.
Wikipedia tells me that in fact she did not, and she and Gustav were at war between 1788-1790, so starting two years after Fritz died (Heinrich was alive and well for another decade and more). Also that Gustav was assassinated in 1792. Can't say I'm surprised by either of these facts.
Look. Gustav. If your uncles manage to agree on something, maybe you should sit up and pay attention.
Also, this:
Gustav: I have received an anonymous tip that there is a plan to assassinate me at the next masked ball. In keeping with the excellent judgment I've displayed so far, how about I go to the ball, hang out in an opera box overlooking the dancing floor as a prime shooting target, and dare anyone to kill me.
Gustav in the box: Bring it, bitches!
Ten minutes later...
Gustav: Well, if they were going to shoot me, they would have shot me by now. Let's go down and enjoy the party. Seems perfectly safe.
Gustav at the ball: *gets shot*
To add insult to injury, it wasn't even a fatal shot in and of itself, but 18th century medicine happened, and he died two weeks later when the wound became infected. *facepalm*
Oh, Gustav.
Also, adding to the whole eerie parallel with the Ides of March, there was a literal soothsayer involved, at least tangentially. Gustav had visited one a few years earlier, she had said something that could be interpreted as a prediction of this plot, and she was interrogated after the assassination. Apparently she was found innocent, but it's a bit eerie.
Gustav, I don't know if you share your uncle's opinions about Shakespeare, but surely you can at least read your Plutarch? But then I guess Sweden would not be the Dallas of Rococo Scandinavia. And your aunts and uncles and mother are keeping the bar high for Hohenzollern Crazy. That family tradition is a lot to live up to.