Mostly for my own reference, that chronology of Fritz's emotional isolation that I keep hinting at.
1740 death of Suhm 1742 estrangement from Algarotti 1744 estrangement from Wilhelmine 1745 death of Keyserlingk 1745 death of Jordan 1746 death of Duhan 1746 reconciliation with Wilhelmine 1747 Algarotti returns 1751 death of Rothenburg (in Fritz's arms) 1753 partial estrangement from Algarotti 1753 estrangement from Voltaire 1757 estrangement from Fredersdorf 1757 death of Sophia Dorothea 1758 death of Fredersdorf 1758 death of brother Wilhelm* 1758 death of Wilhelmine late 50s/early 60s gradual partial long-distance reconciliation with Voltaire begins 1764 death of Algarotti 1767 death of Heinrich (the beloved nephew, not the unbeloved brother) 1768 estrangement from D'Argens 1768 death of Eichel 1773 death of Quantz 1774 death of Fouqué 1775 death of Quintus Icilius 1778 death of Voltaire 1778 death of Earl of Marischal 1782 estrangement from Catt 1786 death of Fritz
* As selenak notes, not that they were close, but it contributed to his deteriorating relations with his remaining siblings.
So when we talk about Fritz's emotional isolation, there are two aspects:
1) To what extent was he isolated? 2) To what extent was he isolated by choice?
And while the answer to both is "more than the average person," both aspects have been overestimated by contemporaries and posterity alike. A huge reason is that the more famous he was, the older he was, and the older he was, the more isolated he was. Even the isolation of his last years has been overstated, but it's definitely true.
And if you break down the ways that he ended up both increasingly isolated with time, and with a reputation for isolation, it comes down to these factors:
1) He disliked the majority of people and did not casually welcome anyone and everyone into his circle. 2) He kept at arm's length people that he was expected by society to at least make the effort to interact with: his wife, his brothers, etc. 3) He outlived his inner circle (especially the Rheinsberg circle). 4) He was reluctant to add new people to the inner circle later in life. 5) He cut people off when they offended him. 6) He inadvertently drove people away through being impossible to live with.
1 and 2) don't necessarily reflect either misanthropy a preference for being alone. He was more open about his likes and dislikes, but those two plus the length of the chronology above make it pretty clear that he was committed to quality over quantity. A lot of people who are surrounded by family and casual friends out of fear of loneliness and/or need for a social safety net are actually *emotionally* isolated. The whole "I make nice with my family, even though they're really awful for my mental health, because I have financial problems/health problems/etc." is sadly common.
3 and 4) are also pretty common. Even today, the whole "I used to make friends easily in my 20s, but now I'm in my 40s and it's hard" phenomenon is seen all over social media, along with advice column articles on ways to get around that. People who outlive their social circle often end up alone. The way most people have historically gotten around the isolation of old age is through large extended families. Some people are lucky enough for that to work out well in their old age, but a large number of people are either stuck in a nursing home because they don't have family to take care of them, or stuck in an unhappy family situation because they can't afford an alternative. (This also goes for younger disabled people, younger people with a sucky job market, etc.) Fritz had staff and doctors, and so he didn't need to depend on family.
5 and 6) are the big two "oh, Fritz" ones.. And what they tell you are not that Fritz didn't like people, or that he wanted to be alone, but that he lacked the skills of making a long-term relationship work. The reason the chronology of people he loved is so long was that he was pretty willing to let people into the inner circle. (And I could have made that list even longer, but I had to draw a line around the inner circle somewhere.)
The way it usually worked was that he made snap judgments whether to like someone. If you were in, you were in (for as long as it lasted). If you were out, you were out, and changing his first impression of you for the better was hard. And once you were in, you got a mixture of "Fritz lavishing affection on you and begging you to stick around (or come back)" with "Fritz being Fritz," which was not easy to live with but was not necessarily intentionally aimed at driving you away.
As a counterexample to his total isolation after the Seven Years' War and an example of him actually knowing how to do the whole friendship thing, there was the Earl of Marischal. Fritz granted him some land on the Sanssouci grounds, paid for him to build a house there, and gave him a permanent place at the dinner table at Sanssouci. When the old Earl found it harder and harder to get up that steeply terraced hill, Fritz would make the trip down the hill and eat with him somewhere else. They were still good friends when Marischal died in 1778, yet another death that was hard on Fritz. Let's keep in mind also that if he hadn't driven anyone away or cut anyone off, he still outlived by many years all but one of the people he was estranged from. So from that list, it would have been basically him and Catt at the end.
In conclusion, on the one hand, obviously he was more isolated in 1786 than in 1736 (the "happiest years" being 1736-1740, at Rheinsberg). But too many people let that seduce them into a picture of either old or young Fritz being uniformly crabby and reluctant to let people get close. When in reality, he also had this emotionally open, even clingy, side that people tend to overlook in him after the age of about 18 or at best 28.
The saddest part about his increasing isolation is that he *cared*. His list is really long and mine is really short because my social interaction needs are really low. When I cut people off, I don't care, and when I outlive them, I don't care except in an abstract "death is bad" kind of way. Fritz latched onto people, hated being alone, grieved people intensely, and got really upset when he cut people off or they left him. He really needed better relationship skills than he had.
Emotional isolation
1740 death of Suhm
1742 estrangement from Algarotti
1744 estrangement from Wilhelmine
1745 death of Keyserlingk
1745 death of Jordan
1746 death of Duhan
1746 reconciliation with Wilhelmine
1747 Algarotti returns
1751 death of Rothenburg (in Fritz's arms)
1753 partial estrangement from Algarotti
1753 estrangement from Voltaire
1757 estrangement from Fredersdorf
1757 death of Sophia Dorothea
1758 death of Fredersdorf
1758 death of brother Wilhelm*
1758 death of Wilhelmine
late 50s/early 60s gradual partial long-distance reconciliation with Voltaire begins
1764 death of Algarotti
1767 death of Heinrich (the beloved nephew, not the unbeloved brother)
1768 estrangement from D'Argens
1768 death of Eichel
1773 death of Quantz
1774 death of Fouqué
1775 death of Quintus Icilius
1778 death of Voltaire
1778 death of Earl of Marischal
1782 estrangement from Catt
1786 death of Fritz
* As
So when we talk about Fritz's emotional isolation, there are two aspects:
1) To what extent was he isolated?
2) To what extent was he isolated by choice?
And while the answer to both is "more than the average person," both aspects have been overestimated by contemporaries and posterity alike. A huge reason is that the more famous he was, the older he was, and the older he was, the more isolated he was. Even the isolation of his last years has been overstated, but it's definitely true.
And if you break down the ways that he ended up both increasingly isolated with time, and with a reputation for isolation, it comes down to these factors:
1) He disliked the majority of people and did not casually welcome anyone and everyone into his circle.
2) He kept at arm's length people that he was expected by society to at least make the effort to interact with: his wife, his brothers, etc.
3) He outlived his inner circle (especially the Rheinsberg circle).
4) He was reluctant to add new people to the inner circle later in life.
5) He cut people off when they offended him.
6) He inadvertently drove people away through being impossible to live with.
1 and 2) don't necessarily reflect either misanthropy a preference for being alone. He was more open about his likes and dislikes, but those two plus the length of the chronology above make it pretty clear that he was committed to quality over quantity. A lot of people who are surrounded by family and casual friends out of fear of loneliness and/or need for a social safety net are actually *emotionally* isolated. The whole "I make nice with my family, even though they're really awful for my mental health, because I have financial problems/health problems/etc." is sadly common.
3 and 4) are also pretty common. Even today, the whole "I used to make friends easily in my 20s, but now I'm in my 40s and it's hard" phenomenon is seen all over social media, along with advice column articles on ways to get around that. People who outlive their social circle often end up alone. The way most people have historically gotten around the isolation of old age is through large extended families. Some people are lucky enough for that to work out well in their old age, but a large number of people are either stuck in a nursing home because they don't have family to take care of them, or stuck in an unhappy family situation because they can't afford an alternative. (This also goes for younger disabled people, younger people with a sucky job market, etc.) Fritz had staff and doctors, and so he didn't need to depend on family.
5 and 6) are the big two "oh, Fritz" ones.. And what they tell you are not that Fritz didn't like people, or that he wanted to be alone, but that he lacked the skills of making a long-term relationship work. The reason the chronology of people he loved is so long was that he was pretty willing to let people into the inner circle. (And I could have made that list even longer, but I had to draw a line around the inner circle somewhere.)
The way it usually worked was that he made snap judgments whether to like someone. If you were in, you were in (for as long as it lasted). If you were out, you were out, and changing his first impression of you for the better was hard. And once you were in, you got a mixture of "Fritz lavishing affection on you and begging you to stick around (or come back)" with "Fritz being Fritz," which was not easy to live with but was not necessarily intentionally aimed at driving you away.
As a counterexample to his total isolation after the Seven Years' War and an example of him actually knowing how to do the whole friendship thing, there was the Earl of Marischal. Fritz granted him some land on the Sanssouci grounds, paid for him to build a house there, and gave him a permanent place at the dinner table at Sanssouci. When the old Earl found it harder and harder to get up that steeply terraced hill, Fritz would make the trip down the hill and eat with him somewhere else. They were still good friends when Marischal died in 1778, yet another death that was hard on Fritz. Let's keep in mind also that if he hadn't driven anyone away or cut anyone off, he still outlived by many years all but one of the people he was estranged from. So from that list, it would have been basically him and Catt at the end.
In conclusion, on the one hand, obviously he was more isolated in 1786 than in 1736 (the "happiest years" being 1736-1740, at Rheinsberg). But too many people let that seduce them into a picture of either old or young Fritz being uniformly crabby and reluctant to let people get close. When in reality, he also had this emotionally open, even clingy, side that people tend to overlook in him after the age of about 18 or at best 28.
The saddest part about his increasing isolation is that he *cared*. His list is really long and mine is really short because my social interaction needs are really low. When I cut people off, I don't care, and when I outlive them, I don't care except in an abstract "death is bad" kind of way. Fritz latched onto people, hated being alone, grieved people intensely, and got really upset when he cut people off or they left him. He really needed better relationship skills than he had.
therapy for everyone