Okay, so, were all the other girls out there attuned to all the girl-politics that were apparently going on in our middle schools and almost all of which I seem to have entirely missed by hiding out in the library?
Probably, but I was hiding in the library too. :P I was vaguely aware that this sort of thing went on in my sister's life, but my sister is also a person who creates drama wherever she goes, so she may be an outlier in the other direction.
In middle school, as I recall, I took a lot of heat for not fitting in with regard to clothing and behavior, but 1) I perceived the teasing as aimed at me specifically by a lot of people acting independently, rather than as part of any politicking, 2) it was boys and girls equally who gave me a hard time, 3) my complete indifference to their opinions and my sense of humor at their jokes meant that a lot of the teasing ended up being good-natured.
I knew even at the time that it *would* not have been good-natured at all if I'd shown the slightest weakness. It would have been outright bullying. But I thought their jokes were hilarious, I throve on banter, and in 99% of cases, I was outright relieved that they perceived that I was not like them, because if they hadn't, I would have had to set them straight. It was actually validating to be mocked for being different.
I know this because when I moved to another state to go to high school, suddenly I was popular with those students, but I was still the same antisocial person and knew that I still didn't have anything in common with anyone else, so I instead spent my time hiding from people who wanted to hang out with me and make friends.
Right before I graduated I remember, as valedictorian, being interviewed by some newspaper or something, who asked me about the existence of cliques and whether I'd felt I had any trouble sitting at the "popular kids" table or anything, and I said, "Look. If I wanted to be friends with these people it would be trivial. I keep getting invited to parties and people want to eat lunch with me. I keep having to avoid them so they won't talk to me about boring things while I could be reading something more interesting."
My sister, who joined the high school 2 years after I did, and who spent our entire childhood relentlessly mocking me for being a nerd, came home from school in the first week and said with shock and horror to my mother, "Mildred's POPULAR!!" She seemed devastated.
So I know my experience was completely unlike anyone else's, but it just goes to confirm your experience that it is possible to miss out on all that, one way or another.
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Probably, but I was hiding in the library too. :P I was vaguely aware that this sort of thing went on in my sister's life, but my sister is also a person who creates drama wherever she goes, so she may be an outlier in the other direction.
In middle school, as I recall, I took a lot of heat for not fitting in with regard to clothing and behavior, but 1) I perceived the teasing as aimed at me specifically by a lot of people acting independently, rather than as part of any politicking, 2) it was boys and girls equally who gave me a hard time, 3) my complete indifference to their opinions and my sense of humor at their jokes meant that a lot of the teasing ended up being good-natured.
I knew even at the time that it *would* not have been good-natured at all if I'd shown the slightest weakness. It would have been outright bullying. But I thought their jokes were hilarious, I throve on banter, and in 99% of cases, I was outright relieved that they perceived that I was not like them, because if they hadn't, I would have had to set them straight. It was actually validating to be mocked for being different.
I know this because when I moved to another state to go to high school, suddenly I was popular with those students, but I was still the same antisocial person and knew that I still didn't have anything in common with anyone else, so I instead spent my time hiding from people who wanted to hang out with me and make friends.
Right before I graduated I remember, as valedictorian, being interviewed by some newspaper or something, who asked me about the existence of cliques and whether I'd felt I had any trouble sitting at the "popular kids" table or anything, and I said, "Look. If I wanted to be friends with these people it would be trivial. I keep getting invited to parties and people want to eat lunch with me. I keep having to avoid them so they won't talk to me about boring things while I could be reading something more interesting."
My sister, who joined the high school 2 years after I did, and who spent our entire childhood relentlessly mocking me for being a nerd, came home from school in the first week and said with shock and horror to my mother, "Mildred's POPULAR!!" She seemed devastated.
So I know my experience was completely unlike anyone else's, but it just goes to confirm your experience that it is possible to miss out on all that, one way or another.