As we've explained, Voltaire and Fritz initially got on like a house on fire, when all they had to do was write letters raving about how the other one was the greatest writer or prince/king who had ever lived.

Young King Fritz: "Now, as we all know, French lang & lit >>>>>> German lang & lit. Problem is, I myself am a German. I need a Frenchman to bring me up to a higher standard of civilization!"

Voltaire: *is running out of people in Europe he hasn't already alienated*

Fritz: "Come ooooonnn, you know I love you, it'll be great! <3333 Teach me to be French!"

Voltaire: "You know how deeply disillusioned I've been with you ever since you invaded Silesia while the presses were still churning out copies of Anti-Machiavel." *frowny face*

Fritz: *puppy eyes*

Fritz: *offers of $$$$*

Voltaire: "Oh, all right, what could possibly go wrong? Frenemies forever! To Potsdam and beyond!"

Voltaire, under his breath: "As long as he pays the bills, I'll correct his godawful poetry clean his dirty laundry." [The part about the dirty laundry is an actual quote.]

Fritz, under his breath: "Awful human being, brilliant writer. I'll squeeze the orange and throw away the peel once I've got the juice." [The part about the orange is an actual quote, or at least Voltaire said it was.]

Voltaire: *quarrels with more people at Fritz's court than even Fritz has*

Voltaire: *finds out Fritz has been talking shit about him* "I am outraged, I tell you, outraged!"

Voltaire: *fed up with Fritz wasting aka micromanaging his time*

Voltaire: *publishes a pseudonymous set of memoirs tabloids suspiciously similar to his later set of memoirs tabloids, in which he endeavors to drag Fritz's name through the mud with accounts of his wanton homosexual lifestyle*

[I finally sorted out my confusion over Voltaire's memoirs: there were two sets! One pseudonymous and denied by him during his lifetime, one official posthumous set. Sheesh, Voltaire.

Btw, this allowed later historians and fans to no-homo Fritz on the grounds that the only evidence for his alleged homosexuality was an estranged Frenchman libeling him. Our Fritz WOULD NEVER! Meanwhile, sensible people continue to notice the vast amounts of independent evidence for Fritz's homoerotic and homoromantic inclinations, irrespective of how far he went in bed with whom or how often.]

Also Voltaire: *engages in all sorts of shady and illegal financial practices in Berlin, gets caught up in a lawsuit, alienates as many people around him as Fritz is currently doing on a grander scale in the lead-up to the Seven Years' War.*

Fritz: *has had it up to HERE with Voltaire*

Voltaire: *has had it up to HERE with Fritz*

Voltaire: *spends his last months in Prussia writing epigrams and poetry about how everyone in Prussia is terrible*

Voltaire: *finally flees the country before everyone strangles him*

5 minutes later...

Fritz: "OMG, you've got that book where I wrote poetry and epigrams about how everyone in Europe is terrible?? Give it back! That does not leave the country! That was for your eyes only! DON'T SHOW ANYONE!"

Fritz: *panic*

Voltaire: "Haha!"

Fritz: *has his agents arrest and manhandle Voltaire in a city outside Prussia where Fritz doesn't actually have the legal authority to do this* "GIVE ME BACK MY BOOK!"

Voltaire: "Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!"

Europe: *does not expect any better from either of them by now*

Europe: *popcorn.gif*

If you're getting the impression that Fritz and Voltaire didn't get along because they were SO MUCH ALIKE, well, that would be the same impression everyone ever has had after hearing this story.

Also, imagine this as my background to reading the Carl August/Goethe summary. "'Be the Voltaire to my Fritz'?? Haha, right, because that worked out so well...Oh. Oh, wow. You guys should be canonized! Sensible adults, who'd a thunk."

Also, I should just add that Voltaire's life was one long string of stories exactly like this in different settings, give or take some details. :P